Self Preservation vs Friendship

We have all had that one friend at some point in time in our lives who was madly in love with someone. So in love that they defied logic in dangerous situations.

I have been that friend more than once. Watching a friend fall in love with someone is a beautiful thing especially when the love is being reciprocated . You hear stories of their romance, it’s beautiful.

It becomes a problem when you happen to find out that your friend is being cheated on.

Do you tell your friend when you find out or just happen to know that they are being cheated on?

A few years ago, I would say yes to the question above without thinking about it twice but from the experience I have had, I am safer not saying anything. It sounds like a bad thing but it’s better than those mean glances and hurtful words. Stuff like that would make me ask myself

“Why did you tell her?”

Five years ago, a friend of mine called me on the phone to tell me that she found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. I knew the facts, I didn’t know what she knew so I waited for her to tell me.

Her version of the story was a little warped. She said the female was the one who was after her boyfriend, but it was the other way around. I was mildly acquainted with the chic and her friend had told me about it already with screenshots of the message. My friend sat there telling made up stories about the innocent poor girl not knowing she had a “he goat” of a boyfriend.

I am a pretty straightforward person, so I told her the correct version of the story, the one I was aware of. I told her she needed to check her man. I was ready to help her see the truth at that point by all means, that was where I made the mistake. As much as she was able to listen, she could not handle the information. She told me she was going to call me back because she wanted to call him and confront him. In my head I thought, “Does she really think he would tell her the truth at this point, four months pregnant with a wedding less than a month away?”.He had a lot to lose.

She never called me back, she blocked me on Facebook and uninvited me to her wedding. She became cold towards me and stopped taking my calls. I was somewhat unbothered especially as I knew I had done the right thing but it hurt that she could not see that I valued our friendship and was willing to make the scales fall of her eyes. We got back to being cordial a year ago, but still.

In cases like this, I learned the lesson never to open my mouth. I would rather be quiet and the reason is because some people cannot handle information like that, it is at that moment that their emotion interferes with logic and the deliverer of bad news becomes their enemy, you become the jealous friend in their eyes.

Meanwhile your intention was merely to save them from their impending doom. I would love for my friends to tell me, who wouldn’t but we all know the end game.

1. You tell your friend

2. She confronts the guy.

3. Tears are shed.

4. Make up sex

The next thing they start avoiding you like God put the ten plagues of Egypt on your head. No thanks I will pass.





Hello Trybe!!!!

It’s been a hot weekend, so hot that the makeup on my face has turned my face into two different countries. Hope you have been keeping cool out there.

Empires have risen after viral sex tapes hit the internet. One of the first names that come to my mind when i hear the word “Sex tape” is Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Apart from their sex tape which probably yielded a lot of money, the attention the media gave them allowed them to craft into a lot of store departments selling their own branded products. Do you see where this got them? Other celebrities who have done sex tapes are

Pamela Anderson

Hulk Hogan


Jennifer Lopez

Kid Rock

Tila Tequila

And so on…..

So what on earth would make a person record their sexual escapades or should i call them sexual fantasies? Kim Kardashian made that sex tape with Ray J and she became famous. Famous!!!!!

I have never done a sex tape and i would not consider doing a sex tape ever. Not even with my husband. Some people enjoy watching themselves give pleasure to another person. It is fine, but not with me.

Sex on its own is an activity that requires a lot of energy. I would not diffuse the energy that brings about a lot of pleasure and then record it. Sex is for that moment and it ends there, anything else after putting on your clothes and minding your own business is just for the memory.

The internet remains undefeated. People can also be very mischievous or vengeful depending on the situation, so guess what happens, the sex tape you did with your high school boyfriend/girlfriend ends up on the internet either as a result of a bet or just plain mischief. I mean let’s say i meet a guy i am crazy in love with, like absolutely crazy in love with, then i decide to make a sex tape with him because in my little head we are going to last forever, have kids, grandkids, build empires, travel the world, that kind love. About eight months to two years later, we break up. There are those crazy sex tapes we made, put it on some USB and forgot about them. On a day he felt like being vengeful or mischievous he puts a preview on his private Instagram page for his followers and takes it down within an hour, then uploads it to a porno site.

So some porno watching fan will see me in the store somewhere and start a convo like

Stranger:”I think i have seen you before”

Me: Really? Where?

Stranger: I think i watched your porno video.

Me: (speechless)

I don’t even think i have thought of what i would do to save face, but i have actually imagined such a moment and i don’t ever want that moment to happen so i won’t make a sex tape.

Sex is a powerful thing. It gives a lot of pleasure and it also destroys, it has destroyed friendships, marriages, businesses and even political careers. Imagine you want to be a president or a mayor someday and then the video of your sexcapade shows up. It is a recorded action, your life has become a reality show. Then anger and revenge comes out, who sent it? Who told? Who did? It would be too late to do damage control. What am i driving at?

Sex tapes are more destructive than useful so why do it in the first place. It is not something that one person is proud to show another person so why waste your time making a sex tape. It can also be used as blackmail most especially when someone does not get their way. It has destroyed potential political careers. Unless i decide to become a porn star which is quite unlikely, i won’t make a sex tape. I have had freaks as boyfriends in the past and the craziest fantasy ever was a ……actually it was not a sex tape (smiles).

Whether you are in a relationship or not? Would you ever make a sex tape? Whose sex tape would you watch? (Smiles and runs away). Have a hot week.






Hello Tribe!!!!

It’s been a minute since I wrote

Relationships are sweet and beautiful in the early stages. The honeymoon phase is usually the best, the need to share and bond comes in.

Questions are asked like. What is your favorite color?

Do you like ice cream?  What are your financial goals? Are you buying a house next year? How many people have you slept with? Sex with condoms or nah?

Everything is perfect.

Everything is bliss.

And then you get the question about your “ex”.

Would you discuss your ex with your current partner?

That was me once upon a time when I was like an open book, quick to share my experiences with my exes, good or bad. I had no problem sharing information but then there was this dude that I dated, he came into my life and changed everything

It all began when I was in love and happy with the new man in my lifetime, everything was perfect, sharing information was nothing. I felt like I was writing in my diary, I felt like I was sharing it with the one who would not judge me.

One day, it backfired. We got into an argument and he brought up the past, the things I said, made reference to my ex, he had to find something to hold onto. I could not believe that a man who claimed to love me would use my past as a reference point in a argument. I learned a valuable lesson, let the past be past, unless the information is necessary, don’t bring it up. I operate on a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy and I guess it is going to work for me. Some men feel threatened when they find out your ex may have been more handsome and probably made more money. Don’t  talk about the restaurants and nightclubs you and your ex once hung out. It is very uncomfortable. I would feel the same way too.  Also don’t talk about what your ex bought you as a present, some people can’t handle those types of truth. Have you ever been so honest with someone that you ended up feeling bad for doing so?

I have been in that situation.

For the potential Bae reading this I will tell you one thing .I don’t want to know how many women you dated or slept with, also don’t put a face to her when you tell me. Some things are better left unsaid.






I thoroughly enjoyed The Rants show today. Lately i have been approached with the idea of becoming an FWB especially after just having a relationship. Honestly speaking i am enjoying playing the open field, not belonging to anything or anyone for right now.

So a friend with benefits relationship is supposed to be one where two “friends” have a consensual sexual relationship with no strings attached. The strings are “emotions” or “expectations”. So how does this work knowing well that one person is bound to fall in love and feelings will get hurt.  A very good question.

Does your relationship have conditions? Should you have a friends with benefits relationship?

From a realistic point of view, it is not a smart idea, but again it depends on how you approach it, but then again, you are only responsible for yourself. Don’t ever assume the other person has your best interest at heart even though they say so. Put yourself first, you will save yourself from a lot of heartache later.

So who is a potential friend with benefits? Strangers. I am not saying you should run into the street and hook up with some random person, what i am saying is that you are better off with someone who has minimal investment of interest and emotions with you. Don’t hook up with your friend of over ten years who has been having the itch to crawl in bed with you, chances are you will end the benefits as enemies. Do not be Friends with Benefits with your coworker that usher from church, that chick in your class. The odds of happy endings are limited so save yourself the walk of shame when the time comes.

The “Catching Feelings” part is the biggest danger. Good sex can be confused with love; it keeps you longer than you want to stay especially when the relationship is a dead zone. Catching feelings will make you panic when there is nothing to panic about, keeps you up when the other friend is sleeping soundly. You start losing your mind when in reality you lost your mind from the get go when you opted to be a FWB when other better options of being single or being in a relationship are available, that is insanity at its finest.

With friends with benefits, its usually a Netflix and Chill scenario, chill in the sense of “having sex”. Sleep over’s and pajama parties are a “no”. Do not initiate spooning and wake up feeling shameful in the morning, those occurred after making bad decisions, drinking a glass of wine and shagging the brains off, yes in that order.

Jealousy is also one of the red flags; the “friend” goes with another friend, maybe a potential bae. Jealousy is not allowed here, the option was chosen from the get go, so getting mad and getting even is like knocking one’s head on bricks. Guess who has the headache. You!!

In the age where STD’s and unwanted pregnancies are no longer a surprise, protect yourself, use a condom to prevent STI’s, use birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Condoms are cheaper than diapers.

The Maury Show and Dr Phil have guests explaining what does not need to be explained, as consenting adults who are in it for benefits, it is best to prevent these things before they happen.

Social media and social gatherings should be kept at the bare minimum or made non existent. The social media is the quickest way to find out stuff that will cause emotional torment, lurking Facebook pages, looking for who liked what on Instagram, becoming an unpaid FBI intern, is the quickest way to have sleepless nights. The social gatherings which include close friends and family should be “no go zones”. The relationship should only exist in the bedroom, some would beg to differ and say, “lunch”, “dinner” “a movie somewhere”. Well these are minimal investments. the most important benefit is the sex, if not please do your HEART a favor and stay single, go to lunch, dinner or a movie somewhere with your friends, the regular friends. *wink*




As the saying goes

“The older we get, our red flags become our deal breakers”

We date people and become friends with them, get to know them better and see if we can get into a certain level of compatibility with them. This also means that “sometimes” we have to accept their flaws because we have ours and we want them to accept us too, but there should be a line between accepting someone’s flaws and a red flag. Those red flags as we have gotten older have become our deal breakers. Here are my top 10

  1. Education: I love men who have a drive for education even if it is just vocational school, a PHD,a Bachelors or something. There is something about having a certificate in your name that shows that you have spent a certain amount of time getting the education and it is useful  for that purpose or more. No one can take that away from you. Once a guy has no passion to better himself in terms of education, that by itself is a dealbreaker for me. It also reflects the way he thinks too. Some people who have lesser educational accomplishments tend to project their sense of insecurities on their partner and please dont argue this fact with me, it has happened to me.
  2. Show Off: Insecure people are the biggest show offs, they tend to want to prove that they have certain things or they are a certain type of people. I am one of the people who doesn’t care. I once dated a guy who always bragged, he bragged about everything. The thing abiut braggers for me is that i always listen to them and ust make my conclusions on their behavior without telling them. Usually they are very insecure and suffer from approval addiction. This is my deal breaker especially after the second date when i am sure that this is a behavioral pattern.
  3. No sense of Humor: I think this should top the charts for me. I find humor in every situation except death and disease. I dont undrstand why  i would have to walk on eggshells in my relationship watching everything i want to say or have to say because he lacks sense of humor. My best friend is a comedian, no matter how bad a situation is, i always have a good laugh or find comic relief, i want to have a relationship filled with good laughs. If i can’t joke or be humorous around him, sorry bro, thats a deal breaker.
  4. A Different Religion: I am a Christian and i cannot date a guy  who is  not a Christian , it is not because i think Christianity is the best religion its just the clash in terms of differences and if one or both of us wil be able to cope or convert. A Catholic guy once tried to date me and through certain conversations i realize he is stuck to his beliefs and we may never be able to compromise, it could cause unwarranted arguments and promote family division when we have kids so i decided to say “deuces”.
  5. Vices: My biggest relationship deal breakers in terms of dating are somoking, drinking and womanizing. These are habits that require money, so before it becomes a deal breaker, how financially stable is the man? Smoking and its adverse smell, i cant deal with that. I love social drinkers, but drinking to stupor is a no no. Womanizing, the art of chasing after anything in skirt when you have a bikini at home, that for me is a deal breaker, i cannot handle the thought of STD’s or unwanted pregnanices, the man can go very farrrr away from me.


I didn’t mean for it to happen

But it did happen

He was fifteen years older

He was very cute

His marriage was troubled

It affected his work

One day, he graded me wrongly

When i went to him to have my work re graded

He looked at me

It was normal for a teacher to look at his student

But this look was different

It was lustful

He stared at my D cups which were fighting to pop out of my shirt

My D cups

The most attractive part of my body

He winked at me

He changed the 69 to an 89.

Then subsequently my C’s became A’s

He would grab me into the store room

And touch my breasts

I loved the sensation

He licked and sucked on my nipples so good

He would touch my “down there”

It became a daily routine and each day we added new adventures

We always prayed never to be seen as we entered the store room

We enjoyed pleasure for ten minutes or less, sometimes more

My moans of pleasure were usually muffled by the cup of his palm

My legs would become like jelly as the shook while he gave me pleasure

My classmates wondered how i got such good grades

i didn’t need to study

No matter what i wrote, i still scored better than them

i could not tell anyone

my conscience was dead too

as long as i enjoyed myself nothing else mattered.

One day mother nature caught up with me

My visitor didn’t come that month, and also the next month

I told him

He didn’t respond

the next day he didn’t touch me

The day after he avoided me

By the end of the week my grades slipped

I went from 99 to 89

From 89 to 79

My breasts were full

I began to fall asleep in my classes

I was always tired

He was no longer friendly

He embarrassed me in front of the class when my answers were incorrect

He scolded me for being tardy

One day i went back to his office,

He was not there

I decided to check the store room

He usually graded our papers there

Unannounced, i showed up to the store room

Bent on all fours was another young girl, just like me

She was in my class

I was shocked

I ran

I cried

All the way home

At night i cried

Next morning

I went back to school

To the class that now gave me misery

A big, burly woman in her sixties was in front of the board

I sat down and listened to her teach

after she left

I asked about him

He was shot

By the woman who loved him


Hello darling…

We haven’t met yet or probably we have but you are playing.

We are going to be lovers and friends forever.

I am going to love you forever

I am not perfect but I am awesome

I am your confidant, counsellor and chef.

Your secrets are safe with me

I will correct you and not judge you and your meals will be sizzling and delicious

I am your ride or die chick

I promise to always be there for you

I promise to respect you and show you unconditional love

Once in a while I may get mad at you,wait till the fuse blows out and I am back in business

I want to have gorgeous babies with you

I want to raise awesome kids with you, loving ,caring and ambitious children. 

Let’s teach the children to respect people, to appreciate money and to love life.

I want to begin awesome projects and finish them

Lets travel the world and build memories not just pictures

Let’s share a faith and believe in a higher being and also teach our children that.

I don’t know where the road in our marriage will lead to, what paths, the highs, the lows but as partners let’s share it together, through health, through wealth, we don’t want to be sick neither do we want to be poor so let’s work towards being healthy and being content with our earnings and probably a little more

When we start getting an old and gray, all we would have is each other so by then let’s sit in our rocking chairs every morning with a cup of tea and laugh, laugh at our beautiful lives with or without our teeth when we are in our nineties.

Let’s do forever together