The driver dropped me off in the official car. My father was out of state for an official function, my mother was in Dubai at a women’s conference. It was just the domestic staff, I and my siblings at home. We were sheltered and could not leave the house without the guidance of the domestic staff.

It was the basic instruction from our parents and disobedience to that would lead to a great punishment

I walked towards the science block where the first period class was currently holding. It was chemistry. My teacher, Mrs Okeke was a petite, light skinned lady with short silky hair and sideburns. She was rather hairy and also showed some signs of growing a beard and also some on her chest.

She was very strict and had a shrill voice which I found rather irritating. She was standing in front of the black board teaching the class of twenty eight students.

I hesitantly walked in quietly and went to my seat.

“Jamila, why are you just coming to school?” She asked me in a loud voice. I could see twenty eight pairs of eyes staring at me waiting for an explanation for my tardiness. Where was I going to start though?

“I am sorry there was traffic on the way to school” I replied knowing that I had just told a lie that would take me straight to hell if I died immediately.

“That is not a good excuse, sit down immediately” she said sounding irritated. I sat down in my chair. My seat partner Bola smiled at me. She wrote on a piece of paper and passed it to me. I took the paper and opened it.

“She is in a bad mood this morning. We didn’t do well on the last test so be careful”

She was such a terrible teacher, no surprise that the class was not doing well. I nodded my head in acknowledgement to the note that I had just read. Bola was really nice to me. Most of the girls in my class were very competitive and some of them were not very friendly. I didn’t have to worry too much because we were not in the same circle.

I pulled out my notebook from my backpack and my pen and opened it to copy what Mrs Okeke had written on the blackboard. Mrs Okeke was staring at me. She looked angry but was short of words. She had written a chemical equation on the board that needed to be balanced.

2CL + H2 + SO4 ~> HCl + _______

The topic for almost a week in this class was balancing equations. The class had a test last week on the topic and it was as if she borrowed questions from A Level exams. Everyone in class broke a sweat on the test. Today, she was going to use this hideous equation asd6 class practice, i copied the equation into my notebook.

‘Have any of you solved the problem yet?’ She asked. There was a puzzled look on some of my classmates’ faces. She got a little impatient and repeated the question. There was silence, no one answered, pencils scratched notebooks, everyone had their eyes on their work but no answers came forth.

‘Lolade?’ Mrs Okeke said looking at a petite, dark skinned girl who sat by the window with her best friend Rosa. Lolade was incredibly smart and everyone in class revered her.

‘I am still trying to balance the equation’ Lolade responded looking frustrated. Mrs Okeke’s eyes started scanning the room. I did my best to avoid her eyes and started pretending to solve the equation. I didn’t even know how to start balancing the equation not to talk of solving it. My partner Bola looked at me helplessly. The apprehension in the room began to heighten.

‘Are you all trying to tell me you can’t solve this simple problem?’ She asked. No one responded and I also didn’t look up to see her face but i could hear the anger in her voice.

‘I will just choose someone myself’ she said. This was the worst thing to do because she could randomly choose anyone and it was a fifty percent chance for me to get called out or not get called out. My heart began to beat very fast

I kept staring at my notebook, I had to try to solve the problem just in case whoever she pocked to answer failed the question.

‘Jamila’ Mrs Okeke called out, I raised my head and saw her staring at me waiting for my response,

‘Yes ma’ i replied.

‘Come to the board and solve the equation ‘ she instructed. I hesitantly stood up, Bola looked nervously at me. I glanced at her notebook to see what she was solving so that i could have an idea of what to write on the board. I shuffled out of my seat and nervously walked to the board. The class was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I was the official class scape goat and this time i was going to be roasted in class today as a burnt offering because the probability of me solving the equation on the board correctly was equal to zero.

I got to the front of the class, she handed me a black marker to write on the white board.

I stood there, I was blank. Cl stood for chlorine, H2 was hydrogen and then SO4 was tetra sulfate and that was all i knew. I failed to grasp the mathematical aspect when she was teaching. My home tutor usually did my homework so i never tried to practice, as long as the answers to the homework were correct and i had a chance if getting a good grade in the class,that was all that mattered to me.

‘You are wasting time Jamila’ Mrs Okeke said to me, the tone in her voice sounded impatience.

I looked at her helplessly and then turned to look at my classmates who gave me the look of lost hope.



I didn’t mean for it to happen

But it did happen

He was fifteen years older

He was very cute

His marriage was troubled

It affected his work

One day, he graded me wrongly

When i went to him to have my work re graded

He looked at me

It was normal for a teacher to look at his student

But this look was different

It was lustful

He stared at my D cups which were fighting to pop out of my shirt

My D cups

The most attractive part of my body

He winked at me

He changed the 69 to an 89.

Then subsequently my C’s became A’s

He would grab me into the store room

And touch my breasts

I loved the sensation

He licked and sucked on my nipples so good

He would touch my “down there”

It became a daily routine and each day we added new adventures

We always prayed never to be seen as we entered the store room

We enjoyed pleasure for ten minutes or less, sometimes more

My moans of pleasure were usually muffled by the cup of his palm

My legs would become like jelly as the shook while he gave me pleasure

My classmates wondered how i got such good grades

i didn’t need to study

No matter what i wrote, i still scored better than them

i could not tell anyone

my conscience was dead too

as long as i enjoyed myself nothing else mattered.

One day mother nature caught up with me

My visitor didn’t come that month, and also the next month

I told him

He didn’t respond

the next day he didn’t touch me

The day after he avoided me

By the end of the week my grades slipped

I went from 99 to 89

From 89 to 79

My breasts were full

I began to fall asleep in my classes

I was always tired

He was no longer friendly

He embarrassed me in front of the class when my answers were incorrect

He scolded me for being tardy

One day i went back to his office,

He was not there

I decided to check the store room

He usually graded our papers there

Unannounced, i showed up to the store room

Bent on all fours was another young girl, just like me

She was in my class

I was shocked

I ran

I cried

All the way home

At night i cried

Next morning

I went back to school

To the class that now gave me misery

A big, burly woman in her sixties was in front of the board

I sat down and listened to her teach

after she left

I asked about him

He was shot

By the woman who loved him


I sat up in bed all of a sudden trying to figure out what or who was making the noise. I heard movement inside the house, someone was in the house, I was hearing footsteps. Was it a burglar or an intruder, who could it possibly be, my boyfriend and I were the only two people who had keys to the house and he was out of state for work, I just spoke with him a few hours ago and he didn’t seem to be anywhere around. I nervously got out of bed. I needed a weapon, I could not hold a gun not to even talk of wielding a knife, I had a taser and mace in my purse. My purse was on the carpet by my bedside table. I picked up my purse from the floor and opened it to take the mace and taser out. I heard the footsteps again, a door opened and then closed. My heart skipped a beat, I began to wonder what room the intruder went into, I began to ask myself if it was a good idea to confront the intruder or call the police. I decided to go and face the intruder myself hopefully whoever it was would be caught unawares, I opened the door which was already slightly ajar and tiptoed, the light in the living room and the kitchen was on. A lady was standing by the fridge staring at the picture I had taken with my boyfriend on our last cruise. She left her Michael Kors purse on the kitchen table, she seemed to be well dressed and her perfume smelled really good. She probably felt my presence and turned around to look at me.


He usually narrated the happenings of the previous night and I would listen in disbelief as he would recount things I would not even do when I am in my right senses. I had to change. I finally decided to watch comedy. I picked Cedric the Entertainer. I decided to go and get a glass of wine. Reluctantly I got out of bed and went to fridge to get the opened bottle of Stella Rosa I drank two nights ago, I opened the cabinet and got out a wine glass. I opened the contents and poured the wine into the glass. I put the bottle back in the fridge and picked up the glass with my right hand and went back into my bedroom. I set the glass on the night stand and got into the bed. I played the movie and began my Friday night in bed.

I opened my eyes and looked at the digital clock on my bedside table. I don’t remember what time it was when I drifted into sleep. It was 3 am. There was a calm breeze which blew softly, I realized I left the window open. I didn’t want to get up to go and close it, but even then I could not recall opening the window. That was strange. I shut my eyes and tried to sleep when I heard a noise.


I am not about to start that kind of life this year, my girl friends had no spending and also no drinking limits, I had resolved to taking a break from the kind of life that either leaves me broke or pushed out from a bar or night club in a wheel chair. In three months, I would turn thirty one and I had to really become about that adult life. I got into my bed and grabbed the remote control which was tucked in between my pillows. I decided to watch a movie on Netflix, I began to use my remote control to scroll through the recommendations, I also had to decide between comedy and drama. My phone began buzzing, it was my boyfriend who was out of town for work.

ME: Hey

HIM: Hey, what’s up, I haven’t heard from you all day.

ME: Sorry about that, I have had a busy day.

HIM: Same here, where are you?

ME:  I am at home in bed

HIM: You are not out with the girls?

I rolled my eyes, even Lawrence knew that on a Friday night, I would be out with my girls especially when he was not in town. Some nights I would drunk text or dial him all emotional or just plain telling me to come and take me home, by morning I would have forgotten about what happened the previous night and I would be filled with shame


I decided to call it a night at 10pm. I put on my pajamas and hair net, I took my ear rings off, wiped my make up off and at that point decided to wash my face, I decided to give it a good scrub with the facial scrub I had purchased from my co worker who was trying to make some side money to substitute her paycheck and also the child support check from her estranged husband. It was five dollars and she assured me that the ingredients which included coconut oil, honey, kefir, oatmeal , sea salt and sugar would do wonders for my skin. She had great skin but I was not sure if it was the ingredients she mixed up or if she was secretly using Lancôme or Estee Lauder.

On a Friday evening I was bound to go out with my girls just as I had planned to earlier on this evening when on the way home I checked my bank balance only to realize I had less than five hundred dollars. It was the middle of the month and I had to wait for sixteen days to get my salary. I had bills to pay and living on less than five hundred dollars a little over two weeks to the next paycheck would restrict my spending to an average of forty dollars a day


big little lies

This book took me a while to read because lately i have been a lazy reader and i have also been very busy. It was recommended by my Good reads Book club and i think they book club had read three other books while i was still reading this one. The book is about 460 pages, it took me about a month to read. I was engrossed in the story . The author made the characters very real, they were so real, i began to feel like i knew them personally. It was about a kindergarten class, their mothers and other real life problems such as an ongoing problem of one of the children being labelled a bully. During Trivia Night there was a murder.

It is a great women’s fiction, it talks about children, divorce and marriage, wealthy husbands, gossip. If you like this kind of read on a hot summer day with a glass of cool lemonade, i recommend this book to you, it is awesome. I give it 5 stars.