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Have a Happy Valentines Day.
“Yet you do not know about what may happen in your life tomorrow. You are merely a vapor that is visible for a little while and then vanishes into thin air” James 4:14
Everyday, we take a step closer to the appointment we have with the Grim Reaper.
It is an appointment that you can never miss. You can be late, you can postpone it, but it is inevitable.
I lost a dear friend Enjoli…..
I am still in shock. I remember meeting her 17 years ago… Her sisters Dominique and Paris were frequenters at the shop.Also Mama Damita and we talked and laughed about the general things in life.
I grew up with them like they were my family members, I watched them have kids and talk about ther kids.
Back then Enjoli had just one child and she spoiled him silly, Izayah. He didn’t become a brat or anything, he turned out to be very respectful and responsible. She just gave all the love to him at the time.
Enjoli was the oldest of her three sisters, she had an aura of peace and calm about her and she always smiled. She was like an addictive smiling drug, you could not tell yourself not to like her.
One day I had a dream about her that she was pregnant. It was so random. The next time I saw her I told her. She laughed about it because she was convinced that there would be no other kids after her son.Then one day, the pregnancy announcement came and it was my turn to laugh.
I got an invitation to the baby shower but for some reason which I don’t remember,I was not able to make it.
We kept in touch somehow, baby was born, years passed by.
I last saw her a few days before Christmas, we had a pretty extended talk, she talked about the kids, Izayah all grown, Ava catching up to her brother but still pretty young. If anyone told me it was the last time I would see and talk to her, I would have probably hugged her longer… The thing with Enjoli is that she has an aura about her that even if i held on longer or tried to do anything different to make her spend an extra second, minute, hour or day on earth it would not be enough. She was an addictive drug with a smile that was out of this world beautiful.
Enjoli was a limited edition. I can tell you for sure that she made sacrifices as a mom, she was there for her sisters, their triangle has become a straight line because it’s just Dominique and Paris now.
Life is just a market place, you are either good currency or bad currency so trade well. Live your best life, love people and love them intentionally.
Tomorrow is not promised for anyone so make your special occasions while you can still enjoy them with people that you love.
It is not until a person is six feet under then we start recognizing their worth and writing long paragraphs and while they were alive it was always one issue or another. I didn’t talk to Enjoli everyday or every month but when we caught up, it was like catching up from where we left off.
When Dominique called me, I wasn’t sure what to expect, I could not believe it. I had just seen her about three weeks before. Enjoli loved me and she showed it without any doubt, you cannot doubt that I loved her right back just the same. She is in a better place smiling and watching the very family she loved.
Pray for yourself, your family, your friends, your coworkers, your church, the state, the nation. Be a problem solver. Smile. Be your authentic self. Be happy.
Be Enjoli if you can.
Life is fragile…we are here today and gone tomorrow
I am at a loss for words..
I can’t believe that my first post this year would be about a death.
I am not a basketball fan or any of the sort but Kobe Bryant had a swag that even off the basketball court it was worth paying attention to.
In the early 2000’s I identified him as the man who had cheated on his wife and he bought a million dollar ring.
After that, all my sport enthusiast friends would post about his games , post about him. He was a celebrity, he was a legend.
On January 26,2020 he died in a helicopter crash with his 13 year old daughter Gianna and seven other people.
May their souls rest in peace. My heart goes out to his beautiful wife Vanessa and his other daughters. This is a really tough time.
I am scared of flying and this has left a mark on my heart.
Kobe, you will be missed, you were a legend and you left your footprints in the sands of time.
Osas and I slept on my sister’s couch. I shared a bed with my sister Faithfulness also known as Faith for short. I was too drunk to find my bedroom, after work we went to a bar downtown and had several drinks.
He insisted on making sure I was safe by driving me home when it was safer to call Uber in my own opinion.
He left his car at the bar and drove mine. I had to be at an 11am meeting at work and I was dreading waking up in the morning. The reason was my hangover. In the morning, I woke Osas up and had two rounds of sex with him, both our breaths reeked of alcohol. We did not care, we were having fun.
“I need to get dressed.” Osas said as he spooned me from behind. I wish we didn’t have to go to work or do anything else but lay in bed all day. I watched the seconds hands on the clock move slowly, time was going, I didn’t want this moment to end.
“You need to brush your teeth and take a shower, I will make you breakfast.” I told him as I stood up from the foldaway couch and went to the bathroom to pee. My sister was not home from work. Faithfulness my older sister was a Registered Nurse at the General Hospital a few miles away from home. She made six figures annually and worked crazy shifts. Today was one of those days. I heard Osas get up from the couch and walk towards the bathroom, he was naked.
“I need a towel” he said as he got to the shower and ran the water.
I flushed the toilet and walked to the hallway cupboard where the clean, spare towels were. I pulled one out from the neat pile and went back to the bathroom. I could see him through the glass door scrubbing his body. I hung the towel on the rack and left the room. I went into the kitchen to make breakfast. There were dishes in the sink with little bits of food on the plates. Faithfulness was the culprit. She would cook, eat and leave dishes in the sink for days and run off to work as if the plates would magically disappear. I rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I began to make breakfast. I opened the fridge and took some eggs out. I cracked them open into a bowl and decided to make an omelet,
I was rounding up when Osas walked towards me.
“Breakfast is ready” I announced.
“I have to go Cynthia.” He replied.
“Why?” I asked. I could not believe I had put his needs above my own. I had a meeting in a few hours to prepare for and here I was trying to nourish him, and he had the nerve to turn down the food.
“Listen, my family members have been calling me, I don’t know what else to say.” He told me.
He told me, he lived with his sister in the city and her kids. His brother also had a spare room. I had never been to his house and the stories he told me about his family members made it seem like they were dependent on him as well as controlling.
“You are a grown ass man.” I yelled at him frustrated.
“You don’t understand Cynthia.” He replied.
“I guess so, run along to your siblings then.” I told him trying to make him feel guilty.
“Why do you always do this Cynthia?”
“What do I always do?”
“Once I have to leave or bring up my family, you get angry, you become melodramatic and I don’t like it.”
“Of course, I am a melodrama queen, didn’t you know that before having two rounds of sex with me this morning that you had to go home to your family?”
Osas sighed. It was a sign of defeat for him and victory for me.
I walked towards him and grabbed his hands. He snatched them away. I did it again and he stepped back.
“Oh now you refuse my advances.” I began to kiss his neck.
“Listen Cynthia, I have to go home, we can do this later please.” He said. I was breaking into his defenses, he would give in if I continued. I stepped back.
“At least, make me happy and eat.” I said
“Alright.” He said hesitantly and pulled a chair to sit.
“Tea or coffee” I asked as I walked towards the stove.
“Great.” I said as the coffee pot brewed. I took two plates out from the cupboard and scooped the omelets I made into them. I removed the toast slices from the toaster and put them on the plate and served it to him.
I found this fascinating Law of Power from the book written by Robert Green. It has so much wisdom to it.
Here is the judgment
Be wary of friends, they will betray you more quickly for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend because he has more to prove.
Infact you have more to fear from friends than enemy. If you have no enemies, find ways to make them.
Lord protect me from my friends, I can take care of my enemies
~ Voltaire 1694-1778
Pick up a bee from kindness and learn the limitations of kindness
As humans we all have needs and this fuels the purpose of having relationships and building excellent friendships until we realize to some extent that maybe we are a little too trusting.
The problem is that we think we really know our friends. A year ago I was in the position of trusting people too quickly and taking them at face value until I was left for dead and made a public enemy. This opened my eyes to see that most people are not who they really seem to be.
We have friends who you will never have a disagreement with, such people are the ones to be wary of, because they will always agree with you so as not to offend you but the reality of the issue is not so. I have had a lot of disagreements with some of my friends because I am pretty vocal and a good trash talker. Most times it comes from a good place and when it doesn’t I am straight up making fun of you. I do not have a problem with offending a person if I have to. I am basically checking you so you don’t cross your boundaries. Lately I have been doing it more often and people who don’t have respect for boundaries would eliminate themselves on their own by deciding not to “like me”
At work, If you come up to me with you bullshit, I will smile at you dead in the face with a one way ticket to hell. I am not kidding.!!! #ifyouknowyouknow.
Do not be scared to speak in your own voice. Build your own authenticity. Everyone does not have to like you. Find yourself and fall in love with you. It seems like a hard thing to do, it really is but as time goes on, things that really matter will stay and things that don’t are basically gone.
Some people feign being diplomatic so that they would show a high level of character and meanwhile they are the fakest and sneakiest people of all time. They do this to obtain a certain level of respect which they do not have for the other person.
Honesty rarely strengthens a friendship so sometimes you do not know how your friend actually feels. They may not want to tell you that you lack talent, or that you are fat and ugly, or you are not as smart as you sound,or that they don’t like your significant other. That aspect of people is lacking these days and it hurts when you hear how your friends really feel about you from other people.
Some friends just envy everything about you basically and even if you are doing great, they will never tell you, its also part of not being honest.
When you decide to use your friend for whatever you need, you get to really know what they can offer and before you know they feel you owe them something and oppression starts, it begins with resentment and then full blown envy, then the death of the friendship starts.
Do not do business or work with friends, be friends with friends and work with those who have the skills and requirements to do work. Familiarity breeds contempt.
When you have no enemies, you become lazy and complacent, view your enemies as your competition, you want to outwit and outdo them, its not really about them, its about you because this process would make you more focused.
Knowing all of this be very careful… the best of friends have become the worst of enemies by not following this law of power correctly.
The time of the year when things that didn’t happen in the first part of the year begins to happen.
Things start coming together.
This year, as much as I have grown, it is the time for sober reflection, the month when I have to start saying no, to a lot of things.
I don’t want to hang out with people who have no influence on my life in any way that is positive. I think we are all at the grown up stage where occasional check ins will be appreciated, not necessarily everyday like when we were still in high school. Time to cut out barely there with no substance type of friendships.Also I don’t want to hang out with people who drain my energy by getting into unwholesome conversations and or arguments
I don’t have to be everywhere with everyone, just focus on going to places that is important for my growth. Class, work, the gym (whenever i decide to get a membership), church( I need a church home both online and physically, someone should please recommend one to me.)
November is a month of checks and balances before the year wraps up. It is also a time to give thanks for the whole year. I have had a rough year pretty much and I am already looking forward to 2020. I usually do get depressed in November and I hope things will be a bit different this year.
That is why I am saying “No” to things that are negative, not worth my time and energy and not good for my overall life.
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their friends, real friends don’t notice~ Norman Douglas.
As humans, basic relationships with other people is fundamental. Family, friends, co workers etc are basic essential relationships that we can foster.
Everyone is different, no one has the same traits except they have shared values. Diversity allows for us to learn from other people and grow.
When i was a child, my mom made me foster friendships with only friends children, they were older than I was at the time usually more than three years. The only children who were my age that i made friends with were the kids in my class.
As an adult, I realized that I made a lot of mistakes with my friends over the years. I accept people at face value not realizing their risks or the trash that they come with until it is too late. I have trusted the wrong people with sensitive information, I have hung out with people who I had long outgrown but i stayed for no justifiable reason.
Looking back I have made the decision not to hang out where i don’t want to be. I want to hang out with people I can learn from who also have a similar vibe or better than mine. My ex boyfriend used to tell me that in the midst of some of my friends i was usually the most intelligent and that meant i needed new friends. I just thought he was fussing until the tower of those friendships crashed like a pack of cards.
One of my biggest realizations too was that most people enjoy the inferiority of their friends, the ones who weren’t rich enough, the ones who were not up to standard. I have observed certain types of friendships where one friend has outgrown the other and living in the shadow of a friendship is obvious. Instead of taking a break from the friendship, remaining in the friendship just feeds the inferiority.
As an adult, You are responsible for your life and your relationships, choose what is desirable.
How has life been for the first half of the year. The third quarter is almost over and what experience has enriched you so far.
How are your relationships with people?
What are the boundaries you have set for yourself?
Do you sabotage your inner peace to make others happy?
Healthy relationships require and respect boundaries.
You don’t have to say yes to be liked.
Be honest, speak and love your truth. Many people will not like you and they don’t have to.
When i was younger, NO was a complete sentence. I didn’t need to explain my reason. As I got older, i began to loosen that boundary and gave sheepish explanations for what i was supposed to have strong convictions and stand behind. Regardless of my explanations or whatever i tried to change to make the other person happy, it didn’t change much and i was not happy.
Put yourself first, everything else can come after.
Sometimes, one needs to reflect back on their life to see why they keep meeting trashy people,i would always say making “rubbish friends“. These are the type of people that don’t bring “peace of mind.” Apart from that you become those people.
You realize you are such a great person but you keep feeling remorseful over the type of friends you have been making and probably keeping. Certain types of drama keeps recurring.
Let’s figure out what is going on.
Trashy people have a tendency to be toxic and such people love being friends with people who cannot say “no” to other people, they always feel the need to please people. The need to be relevant among their friends and family members would always keep you running into trashy people. The idea of being relevant is more detrimental to you rather than the trash that you attract.
For instance, you have to be at work by 6 am on Saturday morning, you know for a fact that at midnight, you need to be in bed but you decide to kick it with your “cool” friends so as not to offend them and you end up getting home at 3 am and sleeping with one eye open, waking up at 5am and chugging a cup of Starbucks to work at 6 am and being partially productive for the eight hour shift. This means you have no boundaries.
If you always have a boundary problem, you will keep attracting toxic people. Once you are able to tell your friend no, or refuse to oblige, then you fall out of favor with the person, it’s a good thing, they need to go but most importantly you need to draw up boundaries. Self discipline is priceless.
Learn to say “No”. You wont die.
You would lose people who are truly not meant to be in your life.
Loyalty is also a major factor. It is very important to figure out who you want to be loyal to.
Does your loyalty come with a price?
Would your loyalty be reciprocated?
Can you call on such a person when you need them?
If you answer “no” to more than one of these questions, then you need to check what and who you are loyal to and why you are loyal to them?
Guilt trips are also used by trashy people to make you feel bad so that they can get you to do what you want.
Sometimes you cannot make an event they invite you to or cannot help them babysit their child or borrow them the money they need because it will also inconvenience you, they put you on a guilt trip and then you instantly feel bad and then ultimately change your mind so as not to offend them.
I am telling you now please “OFFEND THEM” if it will cost you, your peace of mind and comfort, do it.
Trashy people also love insecure people, people who don’t know their worth, they could be beautiful, gifted, talented and still feel worthless, a trashy person will out of jealousy want to stay close to the person in order to control them and ultimately destroy them.
Do you see yourself as any of the above mentioned people?
Then it means you have tendencies of attracting trash. You need to re evaluate yourself.`