My favorite April Fool’s prank

Hey everyone

How was your April Fools Day ?

Back when I was younger, I always looked forward to the April 1st so that I could play the craziest prank but not anymore.

I found the funniest April Fools prank this year on Instagram in the picture above. I really wish I could do that. That’s a good one.

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ARE YOU TOXIC?

It’s so easy to find faults with other people and mirror their weaknesses.

We are at the time of the year where we have to take stock of people we need in our lives or the ones we need to cut off.

If anyone had to cut you off, would they be justified? Are you toxic to them?

Let’s examine character

1. You may be toxic if you ruin the mood if other people because you are upset, its the part of your psyche that makes you believe that other people have to partake in your misery.

2. Are you quick to criticize? You wonder why Yolanda is wearing the same too she wore last week? Or you are comparing your child’s friend with your child? You are toxic.

3. I had friends who always tried to make me feel bad because they could not get their way with me. For instance, if I refuse to go somewhere then I am a party pooper, or if I refuse to do work without getting a deposit then I become a bad person meanwhile they won’t accept it if it was done to them.

4. If you are.manipulative you are a toxic person

5. I stopped hanging with people who get upset over little things, such as not getting invites to stuff, or not complying with what they want. Toxic.

6. I have also stopped hanging with people who have tried to control who I spend time with, where I go, where I should work or what to do in my spare time. Toxic.

7. People who give silent treatment are toxic.

8. Anyone who is always bragging about their self and making some one else seem small is a toxic person.

9. I refuse to be given ultimatum’s and I don’t give them either. It is a toxic habit.

10. Jealousy is toxic.

Where do you stand?

If you fall into one or more of the categories, you should make room for improvement. No one is perfect, just don’t be toxic.

SCARCITY OF MEN

IS there such a thing as scarcity of men?

These days single women claim that it is hard to find a man.

Nope, I don’t believe so. There are so many men out there. Where have you looked? Let me show you.

Dating sites

The club

Work

The Gym

The Golf Course

Church

The Barbershop

The stripper club

The Gentlemen’s club

Have you searched there?

Yes? No?

There are a lot of men out there.

I am in my 30s approach mid thirties to be precise. My taste in men has changed and has become pretty more detailed.

When I was a teenager,I loved popular boys in high school, tall, rich, athletic, the ones who traveled abroad for summer. We always had something to talk about on the phone. I loved guys who threw random parties after sporting nice venues. Those were the type of guys I liked and back then it was perfect because that was what girls my age were able to find.

When I was in high school, I was talking to two different guys at the same time for almost three years. It was fun, those nights holding the cord on the house phone and chatting endlessly into the night until my mom or dad would find a way to send me to bed. The two matched my criteria. What I wanted was ATTENTION. The type of attention where we talked everyday or almost everyday about school, the latest songs, the next party and stuff.

In my twenties I got to date guys who were not necessarily my type, they were just available. I got to learn a lot about men and how they think, crazy, some men projected their insecurities and after a while I began to think I was the problem in the relationship. I had to learn to love myself and sometimes that was very hard. I kept lowering my standards trying to fit in and see if they would change but instead they ran off to date and or marry someone else and it was painful to watch.

In my thirties, a whole different decade where the concept of going to school is not so obvious but has become a choice not a necessity. People are more career oriented and goal driven. Buying a house, getting married, starting a business are those three key objectives for someone in their thirties so the pool gets smaller. It’s harder to find someone who will want more than one of the three things, some are ready but hard to find, the unserious ones pop up everywhere you least expect and you don’t even want to deal with them.

In my thirties, I expect nothing less than the three objectives one has to have in their thirties.

Buying a home and starting a business are serious goals, getting married and having children is a lifetime commitment. The commitment where the choice is most important. You can sell your house if you don’t want it anymore, you can have an online business and operate from any part of the world or change what you choose to sell and where you sell.

Marriage and having children is the most important decision, some people walk away from it when they feel that they have had enough, stems from overlooking red flags.

The red flags are glaring obvious in relationships but we choose to ignore them. We think that commitment will make a person change. The most important commitment is to oneself.

It all starts with you.

What have you chosen to accept to live with for the rest of your life? That is the yardstick with which we measure our commitment.

Commitment is whether good or bad, you will have to stick with it. Some people say that marriage changes people but it usually always for the better. I am a firm believer of that. If things get sour and you can’t work it out, it’s obvious the problem was always there but you swept it under the carpet like a dead rat which would end up stinking up the room and you will have to remove the carpet.

Having children will change you, you learn to nurture and have a lot of patience, when few months before a baby came along you could not wait for the light to turn green or a page to load on the internet.

In my thirties, I have decided to stick to the standards that I initially set for myself in finding my spouse, anyone who cannot accept or go along with good living personal standards is not the one and there is no longer room for compromise. Having a job, being stable in most aspects of life are very important this I look for. I have realized that someone who keeps changing partners in the name of dating is not reliable. Having more than three jobs in three years for me shows me that you can’t keep a job.

What is the state of your finances? Savings accounts? Investments? What are your plans? What are my plans? What are we both going to bring to the table that would mutually benefit us?

Those are the most important things. Those standards. In terms of self development, what have you changed in your life? What am I changing or evolving in mine?

Before falling in love with someone fall in love with yourself first. A product is only scarce when it is highly demanded. Be a scarce product.

WHAT I AM READING

Holla everyone,

There is nothing like reading a good book. In my own case, i read a of of books at a time.

In order to hold myself accountable, I want to start sharing the books I read with you.

I joined a Book club and also find books on Goodreads.

I started these last Friday and I am almost done reading two of them, i actually rotate reading them in a day.

Everything I never told you

Akata Warrior

Thinking Fast and Slow

I told her your secret

I am enjoying them very much and I hope to give a review on the best ones.

Download a book and read, grow your imagination. go to distant lands without paying for a ticket. Live through the characters.

Share your good reads with me too.

Have a Happy Hump Day…

SURVIVING R KELLY: AGE AIN’T NOTHING BUT A NUMBER

Today would have been Aaliyah’s fortieth birthday. She died in the summer about eighteen years ago in  a plane crash. Two weeks before what would have been her fortieth birthday came the series, Surviving R Kelly.

In my last blog post, I wrote how it bothered me that a thirty year old man would date a fifteen year old girl.

I have two reasons why a man would do so, i would start with the lesser reason and then end with the major one.

Immaturity: This is one reason why a 30 year old man would date a girl between the age of 14-19. I have seen this relationship and in this dynamic, the man is childlike. He is not mature enough to handle a woman his age or maybe older. Women mature faster than men physically and mentally. A man and a woman about the same age are in an entirely different space mentally. What a twenty nine year old woman may desire, a twenty nine year old man would not have fathomed the thought, this makes it frustrating. Some women see this as a turn off especially because they see it as not being able to handle someone who is about the same age as them, this is a form of insecurity and some men are very quick to project their insecurities.

In the case of R Kelly, i cannot say he was insecure in any way. I just think he had a thing for real young girls. These girls were at his beck and call. He was a handsome and rich upcoming artist. Who would not want to be associated with wealth and fame? He lingered on the school grounds of Ken wood High school when he could have found “women”  in any night club while he was on tour, there were tons of barely legal women there and when i say barely legal, i mean young women who had barely just turned eighteen or twenty one. Why did he do this? Its because of Control.

My major reason for the huge age difference in dating/relationships is CONTROL. Teenagers and young women are not quite as experienced as women in other age ranges. it is very easy to manipulate them and it is always to the advantage of the man. An older woman would be able to see past his shenanigans especially because she has once in her life experienced a heart break or watched someone go through relationship problems enough to see red flags. Younger girls are a little more naive and haven’t viewed life beyond the unshattered crystal glass they are looking out of.

R Kelly and Aaliyah got married when he was 27 years old and she was 15 years old in 1994.  They were married without the knowledge and consent of her parents and family. Did she really agree to marry him? Was there any pressure involved?

As much as her family members deny the whole incident and try to brush it under the rug, it just sweeps underlying problems that can be figured out and the lessons used to help other young girls going through the same thing or at least prevent them from dealing with the same thing.

R Kelly was said to have mentored her and helped her out with the album “Age Aint nothing but a number”. This is probably the underlying tone for their relationship. Why should age matter? Its nothing but a number. The number was the problem. The number was attached to laws and the legal system doesn’t lay. If age was nothing but a number, why is alcohol not sold to minors, why are cigarettes not sold to minors? Why is the retirement age 65? Why not 25?

Age is not just nothing but a number. It holds a lot of significance.

If it was just a number, why did they forge papers to get married?

If you are not doing anything wrong, you won’t be hiding in plain sight.

SURVIVING R.KELLY:ABUSE

I watched the Surviving R Kelly series on TV yesterday.

It left an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. Most people who were in the docuseries told their individual stories as women, as survivors. They survived his abuse. It was painful to watch. It will haunt them for life.

In the beginning, some twisted inner circle member of R Kelly’s family abused him, even his brother said the same thing. They just won’t say who did it. We all have someone in the inner caucus that was always willing to play dirty with kids.

Caroy ( R Kelly’s brother) said he told Robert who shrugged it off and told him it never happened. According to Caroy, if his brother didn’t believe or rather was in denial of what had happened, how would an adult handle it?

He couldn’t tell his mom, she would not believe him. I don’t understand why an adult would think a child would sit down and make up such a sick story especially when its happening to them.

In the light of this, I want to be the kind of parent that my kid will run to, and tell anything especially if they were touched inappropriately. I want them to be able to tell me what is going on in their lives without feeling defensive or feeling that i would judge them. ~Me

Our parents were always judgmental about things like this especially because molestation was not normal, they were taboos and so they would rather not discuss it.

This is where our generation comes in, we have to break the cycle of sweeping things under the rug or not discussing certain issues because you have to be a certain age.

This is 2019, a ten year old knows certain sexually behaviors that a fifty year old woman refuses to discuss. In a ten year old mind, the only reason it cannot be spoken about openly is because of seeing an adult as an authority and those things cannot be spoken about.

If you got involved in things like this and I mean sex, it would always be your fault, that is the wrong approach. It sounds more like snitching would get you as the snitch in trouble. Most of the time it always does especially when the adult is not held accountable.

His music teacher said that his sexuality was in his music.

He sang about it. He was 26 years old when his first album 12 Play was released.

I was 9 years old then and it was inappropriate for me to listen to but then again it was catchy,it was normal, my peers listened to his music and that album was successful and further launched him into his music career. “Body’s calling” and “Bump and Grind” were my favorite songs from that album.It was in the same way I believed that listening to Adina Howard’s “Freak like me” was also cool.

Kelly is not called the “Pied Piper of R & B” for nothing. If you were into children’s books, you would know that the Pied Pier would use music to draw children to him and they would go for several miles until they got lost. Kelly did this with underage girls, teenagers.

I have always had a problem with men who date girls that have more than a decade age gap especially when they are under twenty one.

It doesn’t apply to a forty year old man dating a twenty eight year old girl because she is old enough to make such decisions, she has probably gone to college and established herself in a profession and is now old enough to make decisions in regards to who she dates and wants to spend the rest of her life with.

I just can’t understand a thirty year old man and a fifteen year old girl, that is just pure madness. I believe the reason why a man would do this is Control.