relationship

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

 

DOES YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAVE CONDITIONS?

I thoroughly enjoyed The Rants show today. Lately i have been approached with the idea of becoming an FWB especially after just having a relationship. Honestly speaking i am enjoying playing the open field, not belonging to anything or anyone for right now.

So a friend with benefits relationship is supposed to be one where two “friends” have a consensual sexual relationship with no strings attached. The strings are “emotions” or “expectations”. So how does this work knowing well that one person is bound to fall in love and feelings will get hurt.  A very good question.

Does your relationship have conditions? Should you have a friends with benefits relationship?

From a realistic point of view, it is not a smart idea, but again it depends on how you approach it, but then again, you are only responsible for yourself. Don’t ever assume the other person has your best interest at heart even though they say so. Put yourself first, you will save yourself from a lot of heartache later.

So who is a potential friend with benefits? Strangers. I am not saying you should run into the street and hook up with some random person, what i am saying is that you are better off with someone who has minimal investment of interest and emotions with you. Don’t hook up with your friend of over ten years who has been having the itch to crawl in bed with you, chances are you will end the benefits as enemies. Do not be Friends with Benefits with your coworker that usher from church, that chick in your class. The odds of happy endings are limited so save yourself the walk of shame when the time comes.

The “Catching Feelings” part is the biggest danger. Good sex can be confused with love; it keeps you longer than you want to stay especially when the relationship is a dead zone. Catching feelings will make you panic when there is nothing to panic about, keeps you up when the other friend is sleeping soundly. You start losing your mind when in reality you lost your mind from the get go when you opted to be a FWB when other better options of being single or being in a relationship are available, that is insanity at its finest.

With friends with benefits, its usually a Netflix and Chill scenario, chill in the sense of “having sex”. Sleep over’s and pajama parties are a “no”. Do not initiate spooning and wake up feeling shameful in the morning, those occurred after making bad decisions, drinking a glass of wine and shagging the brains off, yes in that order.

Jealousy is also one of the red flags; the “friend” goes with another friend, maybe a potential bae. Jealousy is not allowed here, the option was chosen from the get go, so getting mad and getting even is like knocking one’s head on bricks. Guess who has the headache. You!!

In the age where STD’s and unwanted pregnancies are no longer a surprise, protect yourself, use a condom to prevent STI’s, use birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Condoms are cheaper than diapers.

The Maury Show and Dr Phil have guests explaining what does not need to be explained, as consenting adults who are in it for benefits, it is best to prevent these things before they happen.

Social media and social gatherings should be kept at the bare minimum or made non existent. The social media is the quickest way to find out stuff that will cause emotional torment, lurking Facebook pages, looking for who liked what on Instagram, becoming an unpaid FBI intern, is the quickest way to have sleepless nights. The social gatherings which include close friends and family should be “no go zones”. The relationship should only exist in the bedroom, some would beg to differ and say, “lunch”, “dinner” “a movie somewhere”. Well these are minimal investments. the most important benefit is the sex, if not please do your HEART a favor and stay single, go to lunch, dinner or a movie somewhere with your friends, the regular friends. *wink*

 

 

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relationship

MY 5 RELATIONSHIP DEAL BREAKERS

As the saying goes

“The older we get, our red flags become our deal breakers”

We date people and become friends with them, get to know them better and see if we can get into a certain level of compatibility with them. This also means that “sometimes” we have to accept their flaws because we have ours and we want them to accept us too, but there should be a line between accepting someone’s flaws and a red flag. Those red flags as we have gotten older have become our deal breakers. Here are my top 10

  1. Education: I love men who have a drive for education even if it is just vocational school, a PHD,a Bachelors or something. There is something about having a certificate in your name that shows that you have spent a certain amount of time getting the education and it is useful  for that purpose or more. No one can take that away from you. Once a guy has no passion to better himself in terms of education, that by itself is a dealbreaker for me. It also reflects the way he thinks too. Some people who have lesser educational accomplishments tend to project their sense of insecurities on their partner and please dont argue this fact with me, it has happened to me.
  2. Show Off: Insecure people are the biggest show offs, they tend to want to prove that they have certain things or they are a certain type of people. I am one of the people who doesn’t care. I once dated a guy who always bragged, he bragged about everything. The thing abiut braggers for me is that i always listen to them and ust make my conclusions on their behavior without telling them. Usually they are very insecure and suffer from approval addiction. This is my deal breaker especially after the second date when i am sure that this is a behavioral pattern.
  3. No sense of Humor: I think this should top the charts for me. I find humor in every situation except death and disease. I dont undrstand why  i would have to walk on eggshells in my relationship watching everything i want to say or have to say because he lacks sense of humor. My best friend is a comedian, no matter how bad a situation is, i always have a good laugh or find comic relief, i want to have a relationship filled with good laughs. If i can’t joke or be humorous around him, sorry bro, thats a deal breaker.
  4. A Different Religion: I am a Christian and i cannot date a guy  who is  not a Christian , it is not because i think Christianity is the best religion its just the clash in terms of differences and if one or both of us wil be able to cope or convert. A Catholic guy once tried to date me and through certain conversations i realize he is stuck to his beliefs and we may never be able to compromise, it could cause unwarranted arguments and promote family division when we have kids so i decided to say “deuces”.
  5. Vices: My biggest relationship deal breakers in terms of dating are somoking, drinking and womanizing. These are habits that require money, so before it becomes a deal breaker, how financially stable is the man? Smoking and its adverse smell, i cant deal with that. I love social drinkers, but drinking to stupor is a no no. Womanizing, the art of chasing after anything in skirt when you have a bikini at home, that for me is a deal breaker, i cannot handle the thought of STD’s or unwanted pregnanices, the man can go very farrrr away from me.
books · Uncategorized

ON BECOMING-TOKE MAKINWA

 

 

Last week was abuzz with the release of a new book by Toke Makinwa a beautiful Nigerian OAP ( On Air Personality).

She is Nigeria’s sweetheart and she has managed to win the views of a lot of a people including myself with her Vlog where she tackles different topics including relationships

After reading her self penned book about her early life and also addressing her failed marriage, i was shocked, it actually takes a lot to sit down and write about something so personal like that, she talked about how she lost her parents tragically and also how she found love in the wrong place and still kept looking in the wrong place.

She gave people hope in her reassuring words in her Vlog, a form of confidence you cannot buy but instead her own personal life was falling apart, her home was slowly smoldering, she was false advertising, she had to keep a straight face which i actually applaud her for doing in the midst of making terrible choices and living with the choices until it almost destroyed her.

It is pretty short and straight to the point and i encourage you to read the book, there are a ton of lessons to be learned on here.

On Becoming

Uncategorized

25 GET TO KNOW ME -TAGS

I would love my readers to get to know me on a personal level not just reading the things i write, a lot of bloggers have awesome personalities and fabulous writing,i got his beautiful idea from Megan Has OCD.com. Here i am, read about me

1. What is your middle name?: Sekinat… Shocker right, my parents used to be Muslim.

2. What was favorite subject at school?: English. I used to love reading books and write essay composition

3. What is your favorite drink?: Arizona Half Icedtea and Half Lemonade.

4. What is your favorite song at the moment?: I don’t have a favorite song, I love Old school R & B. Anita Baker is my favorite and “Same Ole Love” is on repeat.Also Whitney Houston’s “I have nothing”.

5. What is your favorite food?: I don’t have a favorite food but i love eating great tasting food, i love to cook.

6. What is the last thing you bought?: Gas..

7. Favorite book of all time?: I love reading books, i particularly don’t have a favorite books but i love Sophie Kinsella’s work, EDJ  and Sidney Sheldon. Non fiction Malcom Gladwell.

8. Favorite Color?: My favorite colors are pink, black and white

9. Do you have any pets?:
I don’t like animals, i am terrified of them so i don’t have  pets.

10. Favorite Perfume?: My favorite perfume is Dolce and Gabbana Pour Femme

11. Favorite Holiday?: My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving, i prefer it to Christmas because it is not commercialized.

12. Are you married?: Single .

13. Have you ever been out of the country, if so how many times?: I have been  to Germany and England

14. Do you speak any other language?: I  speak English fluently as well as Yoruba and Igbo which are Nigerian languages

15. How many siblings do you have?: I have a younger brother, just one sibling.

16. What is your favorite shop?: JC .Pennys and Kohls. I love H & M for jewellery

17. Favorite restaurant?: My favorite restaurants are BJ’s and Apple bees.

18. When was the last time you cried?: I cried about two weeks ago at a friend’s mom’s funeral

19. Favorite Blog?: I have a lot of blogs i love reading, no favorite one yet though

20 Favorite Movie?: I dont have a favorite movie

21. Favorite TV shows?: Empire, all day everyday

22. PC or Mac?: PC

23. What phone do you have?: I have a Samsung Galaxy 6 Edge

24. How tall are you?: 5’10″

25. Can you cook?: Yes, I am a great cook. It is not negotiable

What other questions do you want to ask? I will answer.