THE CURSE

“Wakey wakey”

I said as I strolled into our bedroom.

Giselle lay in bed, looking ever so beautiful even as she slept. Her beautiful tresses were spread across the pillow. She was such a beautiful view to wake up to every morning. Without make up, she looked gorgeous.

It was time to get dressed. We had a long day ahead of us. Our wedding was coming up in a few days. One hundred guests had seats at the beautiful wedding to celebrate our union.

The past few months were hectic. It was one drama or the other. It came from people who were close to us.

Jealousy

Anger

Resentment

Giselle finally found love, and all hell was let loose. She had a child with the man she found love with, and it became a problem. We had spent weeks praying together and going to therapy. The therapy sessions were brutal. We had to be vulnerable with our therapist, who did a great job stripping us off the walls we had built around ourselves.

At a point, I felt she was going through postpartum depression. She had different moods every day. Some days she would not want to hold the beautiful child we made together, Henrietta.

She was the happiest six month old human I had ever met. She had her mom’s beautiful eyes and smile. How could she look at the beautiful baby and not want to hold her? After a while, she was convinced she was not a good mother, and maybe someone else deserved to be Henrietta’s mom. It broke me.

I, on the other hand, had my issues with Stephanie, who was Giselle’s cousin. We were engaged to be married, but we broke up. I met Giselle and things got heated up and then complicated. Stephanie told everyone that Giselle snatched me from her. She said all sorts of nonsense about me. I tried to talk to her, but she refused. Giselle didn’t care. It put me in an uncomfortable position. Giselle was ready to ride and die for me. Family gatherings became like funerals for me. I felt like a Judas who had put two cousins asunder. If Giselle wasn’t pregnant with my child, maybe Stephanie would not have been so angry. I got used to the mean mugging, the snide comments, and the cold treatment from some family members. Stephanie’s parents were indifferent.

I stared at her as she slept. I didn’t want us to be late for our appointment. We had an hour drive, and we had to be there by noon. We also had to meet with the marriage counselor at 3pm, and dinner with her parents by 5pm. The nanny was downstairs. She watched Henrietta everyday from 9am till 5pm. I asked her to stay while we went for dinner with Giselle’s parents, and promised her overtime money. She was more than happy to oblige.

“Giselle wake up.” I called out as I walked into the closet. We had a huge walk-in closet in our bedroom. Her clothes occupied more than half of the closet.

I picked out a white shirt, black slacks, and my favorite Ferragamo belt. My shoe rack was by the door. I would wear my favorite ones. I could not understand why Giselle was still asleep. She always took her time to do everything. She had her morning routine, and she had slept through her alarm. She didn’t wake up to read her Bible in the closet, she didn’t go running three miles. She was not listening to her podcast. She must have been exhausted from running around yesterday.

“Babe,” I called out as I walked towards the bed to wake her up. She was still.

I leaned in to kiss her forehead. Normally she would stir a bit, open her eyes and smile at me. It didn’t happen. She was not breathing.

“Giselle” I called out and shook her.

She didn’t move. I felt for a pulse. There was none.

Giselle was…… dead.

THE INFERIORITY OF YOUR FRIENDS

Most people enjoy the inferiority of their friends, real friends don’t notice~ Norman Douglas.

As humans, basic relationships with other people is fundamental. Family, friends, co workers etc are basic essential relationships that we can foster.

Everyone is different, no one has the same traits except they have shared values. Diversity allows for us to learn from other people and grow.

When i was a child, my mom made me foster friendships with only friends children, they were older than I was at the time usually more than three years. The only children who were my age that i made friends with were the kids in my class.

As an adult, I realized that I made a lot of mistakes with my friends over the years. I accept people at face value not realizing their risks or the trash that they come with until it is too late. I have trusted the wrong people with sensitive information, I have hung out with people who I had long outgrown but i stayed for no justifiable reason.

Looking back I have made the decision not to hang out where i don’t want to be. I want to hang out with people I can learn from who also have a similar vibe or better than mine. My ex boyfriend used to tell me that in the midst of some of my friends i was usually the most intelligent and that meant i needed new friends. I just thought he was fussing until the tower of those friendships crashed like a pack of cards.

One of my biggest realizations too was that most people enjoy the inferiority of their friends, the ones who weren’t rich enough, the ones who were not up to standard. I have observed certain types of friendships where one friend has outgrown the other and living in the shadow of a friendship is obvious. Instead of taking a break from the friendship, remaining in the friendship just feeds the inferiority.

As an adult, You are responsible for your life and your relationships, choose what is desirable.

WHY DO YOU KEEP MEETING TRASHY PEOPLE?

Sometimes, one needs to reflect back on their life to see why they keep meeting trashy people,i would always say making “rubbish friends. These are the type of people that don’t bring “peace of mind.” Apart from that you become those people.

You realize you are such a great person but you keep feeling remorseful over the type of friends you have been making and probably keeping. Certain types of drama keeps recurring.

Why?

Let’s figure out what is going on.

Trashy people have a tendency to be toxic and such people love being friends with people who cannot say “no” to other people, they always feel the need to please people. The need to be relevant among their friends and family members would always keep you running into trashy people. The idea of being relevant is more detrimental to you rather than the trash that you attract.

For instance, you have to be at work by 6 am on Saturday morning, you know for a fact that at midnight, you need to be in bed but you decide to kick it with your “cool” friends so as not to offend them and you end up getting home at 3 am and sleeping with one eye open, waking up at 5am and chugging a cup of Starbucks to work at 6 am and being partially productive for the eight hour shift. This means you have no boundaries.

If you always have a boundary problem, you will keep attracting toxic people. Once you are able to tell your friend no, or refuse to oblige, then you fall out of favor with the person, it’s a good thing, they need to go but most importantly you need to draw up boundaries. Self discipline is priceless.

Learn to say “No”. You wont die.

Seriously.

You would lose people who are truly not meant to be in your life.

Loyalty is also a major factor. It is very important to figure out who you want to be loyal to.

Does your loyalty come with a price?

Would your loyalty be reciprocated?

Can you call on such a person when you need them?

If you answer “no” to more than one of these questions, then you need to check what and who you are loyal to and why you are loyal to them?

Guilt trips are also used by trashy people to make you feel bad so that they can get you to do what you want.

Sometimes you cannot make an event they invite you to or cannot help them babysit their child or borrow them the money they need because it will also inconvenience you, they put you on a guilt trip and then you instantly feel bad and then ultimately change your mind so as not to offend them.

I am telling you now please “OFFEND THEM” if it will cost you, your peace of mind and comfort, do it.

Trashy people also love insecure people, people who don’t know their worth, they could be beautiful, gifted, talented and still feel worthless, a trashy person will out of jealousy want to stay close to the person in order to control them and ultimately destroy them.

Do you see yourself as any of the above mentioned people?

Then it means you have tendencies of attracting trash. You need to re evaluate yourself.`