HOMEWRECKER 2

I quickly put my accessories back into my makeup bag and zipped it shut. I took one last look at my makeup in the mirror and walked out of the bathroom.

I walked into the bedroom I shared with Teejay, everything in the room was my very own creation, the Lemaster Platform Configurable Bedroom set by Rosadorf Park was my idea and also my money. I wanted a great looking bed for our bedroom. It was a beautiful set. I bought 600 thread count sheets set and pillowcases from the Simply Vera Wang brand. There was nothing like going home to a comfortable bed and a good-looking dude in the bed too. Teejay had put his clothes on and was putting on his wristwatch.

“Are you ready?” he asked me.

“Yes” I replied avoiding his gaze as I walked towards the rocking chair by the door leading to the patio to pick up my Louis Vuitton purse.

 It was a Valentines Day gift to me from Teejay.

He paused and kept looking at me.

“Are you okay?” he asked again.

“Yes Teejay, I am hungry can we go.” I snapped. Before he could say anything to me, his phone started ringing. He pulled his phone out from the back pocket of his pants and looked at the caller Id on the screen. His brows furrowed into a slight frown. He pressed a button and the ringing stopped.

“Why didn’t you answer the phone call?” I asked.

“They can call back later, it’s not important.” He replied.

“Who called?” I asked.

“Why do you care?” Teejay replied as he shot an angry glance at me, the kind of glance that would instantly ,make one feel guilty but not today for me,

“Just asking, you always take calls around me, so why did you send this call to voice mail?” I asked. He huffed and walked away from me. He grabbed his car keys on the dresser.

“Simone, let’s go to dinner, I don’t have time for interrogation.”

“I am not going anywhere with you until you answer my question.” I replied firmly.

Teejay turned around. I guess the firmness in my voice shocked him. I was not in the mood to play today.

“Well maybe we shouldn’t go to dinner then because I don’t feel like answering your questions.” He responded and walked out of the room slamming the door shut.

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SCARCITY OF MEN

IS there such a thing as scarcity of men?

These days single women claim that it is hard to find a man.

Nope, I don’t believe so. There are so many men out there. Where have you looked? Let me show you.

Dating sites

The club

Work

The Gym

The Golf Course

Church

The Barbershop

The stripper club

The Gentlemen’s club

Have you searched there?

Yes? No?

There are a lot of men out there.

I am in my 30’s approach mid thirties to be precise.

My taste in men has changed and has become pretty more detailed.

When I was a teenager,I loved popular boys in high school, tall, rich, athletic, the ones who traveled abroad for summer. We always had something to talk about on the phone.

I loved guys who threw random parties after sporting nice venues. Those were the type of guys I liked and back then it was perfect because that was what girls my age were able to find.

When I was in high school, I was talking to two different guys at the same time for almost three years. It was fun, those nights holding the cord on the house phone and chatting endlessly into the night until my mom or dad would find a way to send me to bed. The two matched my criteria. What I wanted was ATTENTION. The type of attention where we talked everyday or almost everyday about school, the latest songs, the next party and stuff.

In my twenties I got to date guys who were not necessarily my type, they were just available. I got to learn a lot about men and how they think, crazy, some men projected their insecurities and after a while I began to think I was the problem in the relationship. I had to learn to love myself and sometimes that was very hard. I kept lowering my standards trying to fit in and see if they would change but instead they ran off to date and or marry someone else and it was painful to watch.

In my thirties, a whole different decade where the concept of going to school is not so obvious but has become a choice not a necessity. People are more career oriented and goal driven. Buying a house, getting married, starting a business are those three key objectives for someone in their thirties so the pool gets smaller. It’s harder to find someone who will want more than one of the three things, some are ready but hard to find, the unserious ones pop up everywhere you least expect and you don’t even want to deal with them.

In my thirties, I expect nothing less than the three objectives one has to have in their thirties.

Buying a home and starting a business are serious goals, getting married and having children is a lifetime commitment. The commitment where the choice is most important. You can sell your house if you don’t want it anymore, you can have an online business and operate from any part of the world or change what you choose to sell and where you sell.

Marriage and having children is the most important decision, some people walk away from it when they feel that they have had enough, stems from overlooking red flags.

The red flags are glaring obvious in relationships but we choose to ignore them. We think that commitment will make a person change. The most important commitment is to oneself.

It all starts with you.

What have you chosen to accept to live with for the rest of your life? That is the yardstick with which we measure our commitment.

Commitment is whether good or bad, you will have to stick with it. Some people say that marriage changes people but it usually always for the better. I am a firm believer of that. If things get sour and you can’t work it out, it’s obvious the problem was always there but you swept it under the carpet like a dead rat which would end up stinking up the room and you will have to remove the carpet.

Having children will change you, you learn to nurture and have a lot of patience, when few months before a baby came along you could not wait for the light to turn green or a page to load on the internet.

In my thirties, I have decided to stick to the standards that I initially set for myself in finding my spouse, anyone who cannot accept or go along with good living personal standards is not the one and there is no longer room for compromise. Having a job, being stable in most aspects of life are very important this I look for. I have realized that someone who keeps changing partners in the name of dating is not reliable. Having more than three jobs in three years for me shows me that you can’t keep a job.

What is the state of your finances? Savings accounts? Investments? What are your plans? What are my plans? What are we both going to bring to the table that would mutually benefit us?

Those are the most important things. Those standards. In terms of self development, what have you changed in your life? What am I changing or evolving in mine?

Before falling in love with someone fall in love with yourself first. A product is only scarce when it is highly demanded. Be a scarce product.

BETWEEN HER LEGS

Those legs

Those thighs lead up to a priceless spot.

Between the legs of a woman is one of the most powerful places ever.
It holds a penis, it can give an orgasm,it can hold a tampon and it is a tunnel for another human to come out of, a human that can weigh between the average of six to nine pounds.

It is sacred.

It holds a lot of power.

Most women don’t know the kind of power they have hidden between their legs.

Some men would pay hundreds of thousands to slide in between the legs of a woman, this is where prostitutes become important, this is where whatever is in between the legs becomes a commodity.

Some men would cheat on their girlfriends or significant others to get in between the legs of another  woman, it could be any other woman, whatever is in between the legs are quite similar, the only difference is how the giver of pleasure gives it to the man.

The want is high, the pleasure is temporary, it lasts but a few minutes but some men have lost their love, their homes, their money, their fame and fortune for what is in between the legs of a woman.

Whatever is in between our legs are not supposed to be hotel rooms for temporary guests.  That are holds a lot of  power, it has the power to make the penis hard during sex while stroking, it gives pleasure and orgasm.

Every month, blood comes from in between the legs for five to seven days non stop which is collected by a tampon or a pad.  This right there is a woman’s power to bleed for so long and not die.

Haven’t we seen accident victims die due to loss of blood, yet we have it coming from in between our legs for several days and we move around like nothing has happened.

A baby’s head comes out from in between the legs. I have watched child births on TV and just the size of some baby heads and how they stretch to come out is amazing.

This is a powerful thing.

If a woman knows the value of “in between her legs” , it wont be a pit stop for men who need a place to rest. The man who wants to be a guest must be willing to stay, or else don’t open the gates of the legs so  the man be a guest and then go away.

Let him see the parts of the body that are visible first and see if he wants to stay, between the legs should be the prize. Simple as that.

This post is written in response to the featured image from this article from a book called by Rupi Kaur called Milk and Honey. 

She writes beautiful poetry and i urge you to read her work.

‘I AM NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP’- HE SAYS

Several years ago, I was dating a guy.

I really liked him. He treated me well,we went out to dinner, spent time doing fun stuff and even going to events together. For eleven months he pushed and pushed for us to have sex. I avoided situations that would put us in the need to have sex and i avoided the topic entirely.

One night, we went to a birthday party at a club. Was too tired to drive home, we got to house and we had sex. I was a virgin. It didn’t even hurt like i expected. Quiet and five minute loss of my womanhood. The sheets were stained. I went home in the morning. We had sex a few more times and then i became attached.

One day, we went out to eat. We got back to the house and then I began asking questions like “Where is this going?” He was taken aback. “What do you mean?”

And then I explained to him, the dates and the sex, when was i going to become his girlfriend. He hit me with “I am sorry but i am not ready for a relationship.”

So i said “if another man comes around, is it okay for me to date them?” He said yes.

He was being truthful. I was in denial. I felt he would change his mind. I spent so much time around him trying to prove my worth. He never did. We remained friends and i mean very close friends. He is getting married in a few weeks to someone else.

When i came across the image for this post, i felt i had to share this story.

First of all i had no need to prove my worth, i was more than enough.

Secondly when a man tells you he is not ready to be in a relationship. He did you a great favor. Accept what he has said and MOVE ON.

Do you want me to repeat what i said? ACCEPT WHAT HE SAID AND MOVE ON.

Do not by any means stay?

You are devaluing yourself in the process.

You just got set free from a rat trap.

No need to stay and prove anything. You don’t need to cook or clean or be a bed partner to someone who doesn’t see himself with you.

So many men would give a lot more to be with you than settling to be less than what you want.

Its easier said than done but looking in hindsight, the time i spent hovering around him like an evil spirit , I would have done better things with my life. I ended up pushing away potentials because I was stuck on someone and expecting him to change his mind.

It doesn’t work that way, do not be available hand and foot to someone who will NOT give you a CROWN. You don’t have to work hard for a CROWN.

Also ladies,before you move to the next dude, upgrade yourself in the process. Its not for the dude, it’s for yourself. Your accomplishments are for you, they are what you bring to the table, so make your table LARGE.

“Lala is married, I am not” -Carmelo Anthony

These days, relationships seem to be as temporary as a snapchat story.

People get into relationships all smiles, showing off, posting  things that seem to make others want to be in a relationship and then comment with the hashtag that states #relationshipgoals😍. I will just sit over here and give the side eye. Yes it is that serious.

I had no hope for relationships after Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt broke up. I mean how? Then T. I and Tiny, and other celebrities I know, Cynthia Bailey and Thomas. I mean lets be real, what happened to love like the TV couples back in the nineties, The Winslows, The Cosby’s, goodness knows how many tv families I grew up with. What kept them together? They sure had their own share of problems but they never split.

We live in a generation where love is selfish and almost non existent but seriously why was I born in this era, why not a few decades before so that I would have dated and married men who at least had common sense?

So early this week, I was greeted with the news that Lala And Melo split. I love Lala and I remember when she got married,  she was so happy and in love. Now is it me or basketball players just have the tendency to be unfaithful to their wives. Stephen Curry seems to be the only exception for now.

 Yes I said now.

Let’s take a look into the NBA circle where we have Dwane and Gabby Wade who had a similar problem, Dwane fathered a child outside and Gabby still married him, Kobe Bryant cheated and Vanessa is still into the marriage so many years later. Yesterday Kobe and Vanessa Bryant celebrated sixteen years of marriage. Who could have  thought they would survive the cheating episode? But guess what, they sure did, Kobe bought that million dollar ring. They worked through it.

Melo went to the Gentlemens club, he met a dancer, they hooked up and now she is pregnant, six months pregnant.  It is shameful in my own opinion. I learned that these basketball players tend to hoe around while they are on the road but for you to go out into town bareback is gross. ( I am hoping he wrapped it up and the condom broke) . But even when the condom breaks at least Melo would know, what happened to plan B? Goodness, I am asking all these questions that I can’t even answer because it is already six months too late to do anything. Also Lala already found out. Carmelo did not tell her, she found out. 

Did you hear what I said?

She found out!!!!!!

Lala is married, I am not”- Carmelo

This statement alone is painful. It is also thoughtless.

So is Melo simply saying that all the while he was not fully committed to being married to Lala?

Why didn’t he leave instead of running around town sticking his penis into holes and either uploading STDs or downloading babies?

If you are not happy leave

Don’t create scandals

The breakup would have be easier when both couples would sit down and conclude that it’s no longer working instead of creating tv drama to end the marriage

There is nothing more painful than having to deal with a spouse or partner who is not emotionally and physically in the relationship anymore. The beautiful memories would be marred with tears and regret.
Lala is a beautiful woman.  I believe she is better off without Carmelo. Let him go please. Next!!!!!!

ON BECOMING-TOKE MAKINWA

 

 

Last week was abuzz with the release of a new book by Toke Makinwa a beautiful Nigerian OAP ( On Air Personality).

She is Nigeria’s sweetheart and she has managed to win the views of a lot of a people including myself with her Vlog where she tackles different topics including relationships

After reading her self penned book about her early life and also addressing her failed marriage, i was shocked, it actually takes a lot to sit down and write about something so personal like that, she talked about how she lost her parents tragically and also how she found love in the wrong place and still kept looking in the wrong place.

She gave people hope in her reassuring words in her Vlog, a form of confidence you cannot buy but instead her own personal life was falling apart, her home was slowly smoldering, she was false advertising, she had to keep a straight face which i actually applaud her for doing in the midst of making terrible choices and living with the choices until it almost destroyed her.

It is pretty short and straight to the point and i encourage you to read the book, there are a ton of lessons to be learned on here.

On Becoming