Self Preservation vs Friendship

We have all had that one friend at some point in time in our lives who was madly in love with someone. So in love that they defied logic in dangerous situations.

I have been that friend more than once. Watching a friend fall in love with someone is a beautiful thing especially when the love is being reciprocated . You hear stories of their romance, it’s beautiful.

It becomes a problem when you happen to find out that your friend is being cheated on.

Do you tell your friend when you find out or just happen to know that they are being cheated on?

A few years ago, I would say yes to the question above without thinking about it twice but from the experience I have had, I am safer not saying anything. It sounds like a bad thing but it’s better than those mean glances and hurtful words. Stuff like that would make me ask myself

“Why did you tell her?”

Five years ago, a friend of mine called me on the phone to tell me that she found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. I knew the facts, I didn’t know what she knew so I waited for her to tell me.

Her version of the story was a little warped. She said the female was the one who was after her boyfriend, but it was the other way around. I was mildly acquainted with the chic and her friend had told me about it already with screenshots of the message. My friend sat there telling made up stories about the innocent poor girl not knowing she had a “he goat” of a boyfriend.

I am a pretty straightforward person, so I told her the correct version of the story, the one I was aware of. I told her she needed to check her man. I was ready to help her see the truth at that point by all means, that was where I made the mistake. As much as she was able to listen, she could not handle the information. She told me she was going to call me back because she wanted to call him and confront him. In my head I thought, “Does she really think he would tell her the truth at this point, four months pregnant with a wedding less than a month away?”.He had a lot to lose.

She never called me back, she blocked me on Facebook and uninvited me to her wedding. She became cold towards me and stopped taking my calls. I was somewhat unbothered especially as I knew I had done the right thing but it hurt that she could not see that I valued our friendship and was willing to make the scales fall of her eyes. We got back to being cordial a year ago, but still.

In cases like this, I learned the lesson never to open my mouth. I would rather be quiet and the reason is because some people cannot handle information like that, it is at that moment that their emotion interferes with logic and the deliverer of bad news becomes their enemy, you become the jealous friend in their eyes.

Meanwhile your intention was merely to save them from their impending doom. I would love for my friends to tell me, who wouldn’t but we all know the end game.

1. You tell your friend

2. She confronts the guy.

3. Tears are shed.

4. Make up sex

The next thing they start avoiding you like God put the ten plagues of Egypt on your head. No thanks I will pass.

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THIS THING THAT MEN DO…….

There is this crazy thing that men do,

I absolutely loathe it.

I guess when you are in your twenties, like early twenties, its not as crazy to do as when you are in your thirties.

I scratch that, it is absolutely not acceptable at all.

So when i scrolled across this tweet on Twitter, I\ had to have the writer make her words “scream” louder, especially for the men  in the back.

Maybe its because i am a straightforward person

But there is this thing that some men do, that I don’t like.

He will approach a lady with the “intentions” of having a relationship or better still marriage.

Then he hits and runs.

So he will spend days, weeks and months on the phone, buy roses and expensive gifts, dates, travel, just create a facade.

After “securing the bag” or rather “getting the cookies”, his behavior changes and before long he is gone. WHY??

I think it also stems from the fact that women like being told only what they want to hear, some women cannot or would not sign up for the “f buddy contract”, it wont even be considered, so to be put more mildly and respectfully, the man would approach the woman and act a movie for a while and then disappear.

“If you do this, may you never have another orgasm in your life” – sherry ShayD

Its a tough situation because most of us females will feel disrespected but at least you know you are not being led on.

I have been approached by this method twice, even though  i found it a little crazy, i gave the guy thumbs up for saying these exact words

“I just want you for one night, i can pay for an executive suite, treat you real good but all i want to do is have sex with you”

At the time i was still a virgin and did not even consider it, looking back now, I admired his courage for being direct from the beginning, it gave me the choice to say “yes” or “no”, not being led like a sacrificial lamb to the altar.

The second guy put it like this “I want to blow your back out”. I read the text message and laughed, I simply replied. “While you are thinking of blowing my back out, i would need my legs to walk around at work tomorrow.” I may have considered it, but blowing my back out made me think i would go to walk with either a limp or bowlegged.

What are your thoughts?

17 Things I Learned In 2017

During Thanksgiving, i wrote that 2017 was the year of the L

While it is pretty true, there are some other lessons i learned too.

  1. I am home.
  2. At the end of the day, the most important person in my life, is myself.
  3. I am not for everybody and I am grateful for that.
  4. Always Pray….
  5. Work hard, Always put extra effort.
  6. Appreciate the people in your life who love you, so many people have died this year.
  7. If a person treats me a certain way,  i believe them, i don’t doubt that feeling.
  8. I am responsible for the things that i said, i am not responsible for what you understand.
  9. I am very bad at taking rejection, its a frightening feeling for me especially when i give my 1000% but at this point i am no longer afraid of disappointing people.
  10. I need to learn to stop being in control of everything and just breathe sometimes.
  11. A person or thing that hurts you does not love you.
  12. My love for people is usually unconditional, some people have taught me that theirs is conditional and i am good for them only when needed.
  13. Everything is temporary, here today, gone tomorrow, don’t take anything for granted.
  14.  Always have more than one source of income. Be a Hustlegod.
  15.  Everyone is not your friend.
  16. Always spend time with yourself, even if it is once a week, Detox from everything and everyone. Enjoy your own company.
  17. Keep your circle small , create memories, make money and be each other’s support system. Very important.

THE WEDDING LIST

Hello Trybe

Its been a busy month for me and last weekend was the busiest.

There was a wedding and it was a beautiful wedding.

One of the most stressful parts of planning a wedding in my own opinion is the guest list

Who are you inviting?

How many guests are coming?

In the United States the average cost for a wedding is $32000.

I could start a business with that amount of money and reap awesome rewards.

Why would i want to spend $32000 on a wedding? But again it happens. Its a once in a lifetime thing, its a milestone so i should be hapy to spend such money to celebrate it.

The cake, the hall, decorations, photographer, dj, wedding dress and suits, bridesmaids and groomsmen suits, flower arrangements, the food and so many other things.

Feeding guests is about $80- $100 a plate. Multiply that by two hundred and fifty people.

All these preparations for just a few hrs, is the average $32,000 worth it for a few hrs?

I love weddings don’t get me wrong but these days weddings are becoming over rated. All the hype just for a few hours. The reception is usually the best part and has the most guests.

The church just has the major role players watch the union, the parents, siblings, close friends and the well wishers. Everyone else at the reception come there for the food and entertainment and i am just being realistic. I am one of those people.

I cannot even remember the last time i went to the church to watch a couple get married.

Some sermons are long and depending on the weather especially if it is hot, i want to leave. Note to self: The Pastor should make the ceremony at my wedding forty five minutes.Amen!!!

So let’s get back to the guests, who should you invite to your wedding? Who would i ideally invite to my wedding.

Typically being a Nigerian with a lot of “friends”. From childhood, high school, few from college, work and then my current social circle. I know a lot of people. I am an extrovert and i tend to meet and acquaint with people easily. My family members also have a lot of friends and that makes it a lot of people from my side of the family at my wedding. So imagine i get proposed to within the next year and i have to plan a wedding who am i inviting? It’s na

Hello Trybe

It’s been a busy month for me and last weekend was the busiest.

There was a wedding and it was a beautiful wedding.

One of the most stressful parts of planning a wedding in my own opinion is the guest list

Who are you inviting?

How many guests are coming?

In the United States the average cost for a wedding is $32000.

I could start a business with that amount of money and reap awesome rewards.

Why would i want to spend $32000 on a wedding? But again it happens. Its a once in a lifetime thing, its a milestone so i should be happy to spend such money to celebrate it.

The cake, the hall, decorations, photographer, DJ, wedding dress and suits, bridesmaids and groomsmen suits, flower arrangements, the food and so many other things.

Feeding guests is about $80- $100 a plate. Multiply that by two hundred and fifty people.

All these preparations for just a few hrs, is the average $32,000 worth it for a few hrs?

I love weddings don’t get me wrong but these days weddings are becoming over rated. All the hype just for a few hours. The reception is usually the best part and has the most guests.

The church just has the major role players watch the union, the parents, siblings, close friends and the well wishers. Everyone else at the reception comes there for the food and entertainment and i am just being realistic. I am one of those people.

I cannot even remember the last time I went to the church to watch a couple get married.

Some sermons are long and depending on the weather especially if it is hot, i want to leave. Note to self: The Pastor should make the ceremony at my wedding forty five minutes. Amen!!!

So let’s get back to the guests, who should you invite to your wedding? Who would I ideally invite to my wedding?

Typically being a Nigerian with a lot of “friends”. From childhood, high school, few from college, work and then my current social circle. I know a lot of people. I am an extrovert and i tend to meet and acquaint with people easily. My family members also have a lot of friends and that makes it a lot of people from my side of the family at my wedding. So imagine i get proposed to within the next year and i have to plan a wedding who am i inviting? It’s natural for my parents to want to bring their friends and invite this person and that person. Hold up right there!!!!!!

No!!!!!!!

So let me get a sieve and remove what i need, the rest will remain on the filter.  Typically i want a small and intimate wedding, I was in Laguna Hills the first week in August and the wedding had fewer than a hundred and twenty people. Everything was perfect. Once there are too many people at a wedding, especially a Nigerian wedding, things start moving to the left. Some form of chaos will develop, everyone is suddenly part of the planning and they always have to say something.

Let me plan my wedding in my head in a few words. I will most definitely get a wedding planner/coordinator. None of the planning will be done by any of my friends. I am a stickler for having things done a certain way and when people don’t meet up to my expectations i get disappointed, its worse when its even done for free so i would rather pay someone to get it done. I also don’t want to lose friends in arguments about what could have been. Anyway why would you not pay someone? Time is money.

I intend to have two hundred and fifty people max. Half comes from my list and the other half is his list.  So my ideals are:

  1. Family: Grandparents, Parents and siblings are priority. Extended family members like aunts, uncles, cousins can be considered depending on the relationship with them. Is it cordial? Would there be drama? I don’t want anyone acting a soap opera at my wedding.
  2. Friends: Current friendships on a daily, weekly or monthly basis are priority. I know we are adults and have move on some friends we would love to invite but if i cannot, i would be glad to share my day with them on social media and i am saying this with a kind heart. I have gotten to a stage in life where i cannot take things too personal especially with people i hardly talk to or keep in touch with.
  3. Colleagues: I would only invite colleagues i would like to have at my wedding. And i hope he does too.
  4. Children: This is a tough one, they would probably have their own space because i don’t want kids running around when the reception program is going on. I also love having kids at a wedding because they can pick money sprayed by adults (Nigerian adults), they are closest to the ground. Aso ebi girls make their outfits so grand they may not be able to bend down to pick money.
  5. They don’t live in your city: It’s tough to invite people who don’t live in your area or state, they have to be really close to me to want to spend the money to fly to watch me get married and i do have friends like that, and that is because i would do the same for them.

With a list like this it would be very easy to make my decisions.

There would be wedding crashers. In my head I am still deciding what to do with wedding crashers, they would probably have their own table, and I would make two or three tables so when I am watching my wedding video I would see who crashed the wedding. (laughs in Japanese). I can also look across the room from my seat and see who was able to crash the wedding and have a good laugh with “Mr Man”.

I love weddings but an intimate small wedding with details is what I really need.

I will leave my list at the door so check your names and your tables at the door. I want my wedding to be like Judgment Day, if your name is not there, you weren’t invited. No hard feelings, i only want to pay for what i can afford.

 

HEAD OF STATE SERIES 2

‘You are wasting time Jamila’ Mrs Okeke said to me, the tone in her voice sounded impatience.

I looked at her helplessly and then turned to look at my classmates who gave me the look of lost hope.

“I am still waiting for you to start” Mrs Okeke said.

I put the marker on the board and write a 2 before the Cl. It was one of the numbers I remembered seeing when I briefly glanced at Bola’s notebook. I looked at Mrs Okeke for approval but the look on her face was otherwise. I was confused. I did not understand how to balance equations so even if Bola was wrong I would not know. I turned around to look at my classmates for validation, most of them had a confused look on their face and I didn’t even know what that meant either. Was I doing the right thing or didn’t they know what the answer was? I became more and more confused but I tried to hide it by acting as if I was thinking.

“What are you thinking about?” Mrs Okeke asked as she grabbed a huge cane from the table behind her.  I heard someone gasp. The revelation of a cane meant trouble. I have never been flogged in my entire life, not my parents and not anyone else. The thought of being flogged terrified me.

” I don’t know where to start from” I said. I had to give u p because I realized the longer I spent in front of the blackboard, the more angry it made her so I had to spare one or both of us the emotional trauma .

She laughed. I turned around to stare at my classmates. By this time Bola had put her face in her hands. Mrs Okeke pointed at Winifred who was sitting by the window. Winifred stood up and walked to the whiteboard. I gave her the marker and she began to plug numbers into the equation. I watched her cross off numbers and add numbers to the other side of the equation and looked at it to make sure she had balanced it out perfectly. She looked at Mrs Okeke for validation.

“Winifred you are missing one more, count and make sure that they are balanced on both sides, if there are two chorines on one side, there has to be two chlorine son the other side, so check and make sure” Mrs Okeke said. I stood beside Winifred shameful. It was so embarrassing to watch my classmate solve a problem so quickly. Winifred looked at the equation and she seemed to find what she had done wrong. She took the blackboard eraser and wiped out what she had previously written and then corrected herself. Mrs Okeke beamed with a smile I had never seen before.

“Great job” Mrs. Okeke said.

“Thank you” Winifred replied and quickly gave me a consoling glance.

” You may go back to your seat” Mrs. Okeke instructed her and she briskly walked back to her seat leaving me standing beside Mrs Okeke who looked at me and shook her head in what I would call disappointment

“Why are you wasting your time taking this class Jamila? You apparently have no clue what is going on in here for you to stand in front of the board for good two minutes and not know where to start when it comes to balancing equations.” She told me. I could not say a word. She was right. Why was I taking chemistry instead of government? I didn’t like science but my father wanted me to be a medical doctor or a pharmacist.  He didn’t want me in government, most of his colleagues had children who went to school in Europe and studied noble professions. During official dinners, the parents would discuss the success of their children in their various schools and professions and it was my father’s ambition to also have something to talk about. My mother could care less.

And because my mother cared less and my father wanted me to do something against my will, it landed me in this predicament right in front of the blackboard in an embarrassing situation.

‘Jamila I am talking to you’ Mrs Okeke said interrupting my thoughts.

‘I didn’t know’ I responded. I really didn’t know what to say in this situation. She looked as if she was about to explode in anger.

“Don’t allow your parents to waste money sending you to school and you are not learning anything?”Mrs Okeke said. I was quiet. What made her think that my parents finances was any of her business, her job was just to teach me and allow me assimilate the material not wonder if my parents spend millions. It is my tuition that also pays her too.  She gave the cane to Wendy who was sitting by the door. Wendy hesitatingly took the cane from her.

“You are going to flog Jamila,” Mrs Okeke instructed Wendy who looked shocked. Wendy looked at the rest of the class. She could not believe what Mrs Okeke had just told her to do.

“I can’t ma, I am sorry” Wendy told Mrs Okeke

“I beg your pardon?”Mrs Okeke asked. Her voice had changed and she sounded hostile, she did not like any form of defiance to her orders and it seemed like Wendy was trying to do so.

“I can’t flog Jamila” Wendy told her with an uneasy look on her face.

“I am instructing you to flog her and that is an order” Mrs Okeke yelled angrily at Jamila. Wendy looked at me, and then she looked at Mrs Okeke and put the cane of the table and folded her arms. I heard someone gasp.

“You won’t flog Jamila?”Mrs Okeke asked, Wendy shook her head in response.

“Very well then, I will flog the both of you, I will flog you for being disobedient and I will flog Jamila for not attempting to get the correct answer to the question.”Mrs Okeke informed as she took the cane from the table and tapped it slowly but painfully on Wendy’s back. She flinched.calculator-scientific

HEAD OF STATE SERIES PT 1

CHAPTER ONE

The driver dropped me off in the official car. My father was out of state for an official function, my mother was in Dubai at a women’s conference. It was just the domestic staff, I and my siblings at home. We were sheltered and could not leave the house without the guidance of the domestic staff.

It was the basic instruction from our parents and disobedience to that would lead to a great punishment

I walked towards the science block where the first period class was currently holding. It was chemistry. My teacher, Mrs Okeke was a petite, light skinned lady with short silky hair and sideburns. She was rather hairy and also showed some signs of growing a beard and also some on her chest.

She was very strict and had a shrill voice which I found rather irritating. She was standing in front of the black board teaching the class of twenty eight students.

I hesitantly walked in quietly and went to my seat.

“Jamila, why are you just coming to school?” She asked me in a loud voice. I could see twenty eight pairs of eyes staring at me waiting for an explanation for my tardiness. Where was I going to start though?

“I am sorry there was traffic on the way to school” I replied knowing that I had just told a lie that would take me straight to hell if I died immediately.

“That is not a good excuse, sit down immediately” she said sounding irritated. I sat down in my chair. My seat partner Bola smiled at me. She wrote on a piece of paper and passed it to me. I took the paper and opened it.

“She is in a bad mood this morning. We didn’t do well on the last test so be careful”

She was such a terrible teacher, no surprise that the class was not doing well. I nodded my head in acknowledgement to the note that I had just read. Bola was really nice to me. Most of the girls in my class were very competitive and some of them were not very friendly. I didn’t have to worry too much because we were not in the same circle.

I pulled out my notebook from my backpack and my pen and opened it to copy what Mrs Okeke had written on the blackboard. Mrs Okeke was staring at me. She looked angry but was short of words. She had written a chemical equation on the board that needed to be balanced.

2CL + H2 + SO4 ~> HCl + _______

The topic for almost a week in this class was balancing equations. The class had a test last week on the topic and it was as if she borrowed questions from A Level exams. Everyone in class broke a sweat on the test. Today, she was going to use this hideous equation asd6 class practice, i copied the equation into my notebook.

‘Have any of you solved the problem yet?’ She asked. There was a puzzled look on some of my classmates’ faces. She got a little impatient and repeated the question. There was silence, no one answered, pencils scratched notebooks, everyone had their eyes on their work but no answers came forth.

‘Lolade?’ Mrs Okeke said looking at a petite, dark skinned girl who sat by the window with her best friend Rosa. Lolade was incredibly smart and everyone in class revered her.

‘I am still trying to balance the equation’ Lolade responded looking frustrated. Mrs Okeke’s eyes started scanning the room. I did my best to avoid her eyes and started pretending to solve the equation. I didn’t even know how to start balancing the equation not to talk of solving it. My partner Bola looked at me helplessly. The apprehension in the room began to heighten.

‘Are you all trying to tell me you can’t solve this simple problem?’ She asked. No one responded and I also didn’t look up to see her face but i could hear the anger in her voice.

‘I will just choose someone myself’ she said. This was the worst thing to do because she could randomly choose anyone and it was a fifty percent chance for me to get called out or not get called out. My heart began to beat very fast

I kept staring at my notebook, I had to try to solve the problem just in case whoever she pocked to answer failed the question.

‘Jamila’ Mrs Okeke called out, I raised my head and saw her staring at me waiting for my response,

‘Yes ma’ i replied.

‘Come to the board and solve the equation ‘ she instructed. I hesitantly stood up, Bola looked nervously at me. I glanced at her notebook to see what she was solving so that i could have an idea of what to write on the board. I shuffled out of my seat and nervously walked to the board. The class was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I was the official class scape goat and this time i was going to be roasted in class today as a burnt offering because the probability of me solving the equation on the board correctly was equal to zero.

I got to the front of the class, she handed me a black marker to write on the white board.

I stood there, I was blank. Cl stood for chlorine, H2 was hydrogen and then SO4 was tetra sulfate and that was all i knew. I failed to grasp the mathematical aspect when she was teaching. My home tutor usually did my homework so i never tried to practice, as long as the answers to the homework were correct and i had a chance if getting a good grade in the class,that was all that mattered to me.

‘You are wasting time Jamila’ Mrs Okeke said to me, the tone in her voice sounded impatience.

I looked at her helplessly and then turned to look at my classmates who gave me the look of lost hope.

BOOK REVIEW:I AM JUDGING YOU

Hello

Happy Friday, its been such a busy week for me

I have finally finished reading “I am Judging You”

Here is my review.

Its the kind of book i would read slowly in the sense that she is not only judging you but also giving you her personal opinion about certain things in life.

Its divided into four parts

  1. Life
  2. Culture
  3. Social Media
  4. Fame

In life she talks about friends and different types of friendships, relationships when the have gone bad, and also how our judgement of a person quickly declines once we have had sex with them. Anal Bleaching is another intereting topic as well as skin bleaching.

“People you’ve known your entire life but haven’t seen in a year might show up looking like Casper the Friendly Ghost when they were previously the color of a Snickers bar and no one can address the pink,bleached elephant in the room” -Luvvie Ajayi.

She also talks about how people view weight in the society, personal hygiene is also on the list.

In Culture she talks about Racism, that is a topic that is pretty still obvious in modern day America

Racism is not always white hoods and burning crosses. It is behind teacher’s desks ans in principals’ offices.-Luvvie Ajayi.

She also talks about privilege ( i will let you read that yourself, it is very thought provoking). Also about how people think Africa is a country, still on the geography topic all day everyday, i am appalled to know that people still think that Africa is a country.

Do you have cars where you’re from? Do you wear clothes at home? Is there a lion in your backyard? Do you speak African? When did you learn to speak English? How did your hut fit your whole family? Who is the president of Africa? -Luvvie Ajayi.

She also speaks of rape culture and feminisim, homophobia and also religion.

In Social media, she talks about the use and abuse of hashtags,( i am an offender). Facebook Soap Operas for those who love their drama online, ebehaviors, success in business failure (using comic sans she says is an epic fail.) Lastly about how real G’s move in silence, keep things to themselves until plans are executed.

In Fame, she talks about how people feel they are a big deal on the internet, the ones who feel you have to know who they are, the brands, those who are quasi famous, it is a hilarious list especially as she describes each personality. Sex tapes and The Real World.

It is a twenty three chapter book which is comical as well as thought provoking. It deals with real life issues that we either talk about or are to scred to talk about sometimes.

I think you should read it I am Judging You

BERRY DAKARA IS PREGGO

Last year on April 29th

I put up an open letter on the blog to my dear friend Berry Dakara about conception.

She talked about her inability to conceive on her Youtube Vlog and i responded.

RESPONSE TO BERRY’S VLOG

Fast forward a few months later, the following year, i was sitting with Bobo( my then boyfriend) watching a movie when i got a Whatsapp Message and she told me she was expecting.

I am glad that faith works.

Just believe, its Monday and no matter how hard things are, no matter how bleak everything is always have hope. There is always sunshine after the story Nothing is impossible, dont ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Never allow ego plaay with your emotions. The Spirit brings peace of mind. Berry had almost given up until the weekend of her conception.

I can’t wait for #BabyCocoa to arrive this Summer.

DETOX

Wohoo its 2017.

2016 was an amazing year for me and it ended on an excellent note

I got a new job, i bought a brand new car and i also got a brand new boyfriend…..

So 2017 started with all things new and i am so happy.

Its the darling month of January and all things are new and awesome.

I must confess i ate a lot of junk during Thanksgiving and the holidays and now its time to flush.

I am ashamed to say i also gained some weight back which i am ready to lose.

I am going to do a 21 day detox.

I did a 9 day detox last year.

How am i going to cope for 21 days

Easy. Just think about the amazing health benefits, losing weight, looking great and getting compliments from your friends and enemies likewise.

 

 

Here is the list of foods i would eat during my detox

1.Fruits and veggies

2. Steel cut oats

3. Boiled eggs

4. Black beans

5. Quinoa

6. Tofu

7. Greek Yogurt

8. Tuna

9. Chicken breasts

10. Sweet potatoes

11. Brown rice

 

No sugars, breads or red meat.

I will keep you posted on my progress.

ON BECOMING-TOKE MAKINWA

 

 

Last week was abuzz with the release of a new book by Toke Makinwa a beautiful Nigerian OAP ( On Air Personality).

She is Nigeria’s sweetheart and she has managed to win the views of a lot of a people including myself with her Vlog where she tackles different topics including relationships

After reading her self penned book about her early life and also addressing her failed marriage, i was shocked, it actually takes a lot to sit down and write about something so personal like that, she talked about how she lost her parents tragically and also how she found love in the wrong place and still kept looking in the wrong place.

She gave people hope in her reassuring words in her Vlog, a form of confidence you cannot buy but instead her own personal life was falling apart, her home was slowly smoldering, she was false advertising, she had to keep a straight face which i actually applaud her for doing in the midst of making terrible choices and living with the choices until it almost destroyed her.

It is pretty short and straight to the point and i encourage you to read the book, there are a ton of lessons to be learned on here.

On Becoming