10 Important Lessons I have learned in life.

1. Wisdom is the principal thing. In all things in life, if you want to acquire anything, acquire wisdom first. It would help you make better decisions, relationship wise, health wise and financially. If you have to pray for anything, pray for wisdom.
2. Who you marry is a major decision. It can make you or wreck you. If you marry the right partner, your life will move in a positive direction. If you marry the wrong person, it would be all regrets and wasted time. Get to know a person first, before committing to anything, including sex. Your sense of judgment won’t be clouded, and the love bombing that narcissists easily give would be perceived easily and avoided.
3. Failure doesn’t define you, it just shows you have tried and it didn’t work. Start again and use a different approach. Most importantly, learn from your mistakes and understand why you failed.
4. Do not compare yourself with others. Everyone has their struggles. Your page fifty can be someone else’s page eleven. Instead, live a life that compels others to strive to be like you. Some people have money, but poor health. All the money in the world cannot buy an extra minute in life. If you have good health and laughter in your life, you are doing well, if I must say.
5. Spend time with your parents. We are getting old and they are getting older. Such a beautiful transformation. We don’t need an excellent eulogy at their funeral, when we can appreciate them while they are still here.
6. Nobody will save you. You can only save yourself.
7. Form the weird habit of being yourself. Do t be like anyone else, just you. Someone out there is manifesting you. If certain people don’t like you, that’s not your problem. Not everyone has great taste in people, and also remember that you are not for everyone.
8. Be careful who you trust. You can only vouch for and trust yourself. Take people at face value, and when a person shows you who they are, believe them.
9. The only teacher that gives you the test first and the lesson afterwards is experience. Make sure you learn the lesson if you fail the test.
10. Remove unhealthy connections, family, friends or things. As you evolve, you will outgrow certain people and things. It’s fine

Unforgiveness- the only prison in which you have the key to set yourself free.

As the year comes to a close, it is a good thing to look back and reflect on how the year has gone.  

Forgiveness is one thing we need to reflect on.  There has been offense from friends or family members and you tell yourself you have forgiven them. 

Here are some scenarios 

  1. When you think about what happened, you are still angry. I sometimes rehearse how I could have responded to a situation, because I am still dwelling on the issue in my head and heart. I know there and then that I have not truly forgiven. 
  1. You find yourself discussing the incident of almost ten years ago as if it happened today. I have heard a lot of people talk and hold on to how their parents treated them as kids. Their parents have most likely forgotten or not even known they offended their child(ren). Instead, the child grows up harboring thoughts of resentment and unforgiveness.  
  1. When you find yourself refusing to be friends with anyone who loves them, you have not truly forgiven. I call it witchcraft campaign. It is when you decide to create enmity because you and a certain person are not in good terms. Imagine going to an event and you decide to avoid certain people because you have a clash with someone they love dearly. You will be the uncomfortable one in the room.  
  1. When the attempts to make things right is met with your rejection, you have not truly forgiven. It is because you have maybe justified anger, it may be pride or betrayal. Maybe you need more time to process the conflict. Any or more of these reasons means that you have not forgiven. 

Check your heart.  

Have you truly forgiven that person? 

Do you know what it means to forgive a person. 

If you can forgive, you are a powerful person.  

Revenge is for the weak-minded person. 

Forgiveness means you are willing to move forward. It unties the cords that tie you to the offense that was committed against you. It sets you free. Imagine being bound with huge ropes to a container. You can’t move and it is uncomfortable. It is what unforgiveness feels like. You are the one suffering. The person who tied you up is not suffering. Forgiveness is for you. It is not for the other person.  

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. ~ Lewis B Smedes 

We always say other people are toxic, we may be the toxic one. When you hold on to unforgiveness, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Isn’t that toxic thinking? 

It is exhausting carrying baggage from your past into your future. Your journey does not need the baggage of unforgiveness to where you are going. Leave it at the bus stop of forgiveness. 

Forgiveness is a choice you make every day. It is not a onetime event. The reason why is that the offense will come back to your mind again, you have the choice to let go or hold on.  It is a commitment. People process forgiveness differently. For some it is sooner than for others.  

A good way to look at it is putting yourself as the offender asking for forgiveness. It hurts when you ask for forgiveness and it is met with rejection. There is so much beauty in life every day to look forward to. 

When you hold on to the pain from the past, you actually hinder yourself from seeing beauty in a new day and new situations. You hold yourself at ransom that only you can pay.  You can’t free yourself if you don’t pay the ransom. Forgiveness is the ransom. 

If you want to love. Forgiveness will always be a constant. If you can’t forgive, you can’t love. While forgiving other people, also know that you have to forgive yourself too. 

Forgive yourself for mistakes you made out of ignorance. 

Forgive yourself for hurting other people. 

Forgive yourself for holding onto weights and things you should have released a long time ago. 

In this might, you need to learn to forgive, not because the other person deserves happiness, but because you deserve peace. 

THE INFERIORITY OF YOUR FRIENDS

Most people enjoy the inferiority of their friends, real friends don’t notice~ Norman Douglas.

As humans, basic relationships with other people is fundamental. Family, friends, co workers etc are basic essential relationships that we can foster.

Everyone is different, no one has the same traits except they have shared values. Diversity allows for us to learn from other people and grow.

When i was a child, my mom made me foster friendships with only friends children, they were older than I was at the time usually more than three years. The only children who were my age that i made friends with were the kids in my class.

As an adult, I realized that I made a lot of mistakes with my friends over the years. I accept people at face value not realizing their risks or the trash that they come with until it is too late. I have trusted the wrong people with sensitive information, I have hung out with people who I had long outgrown but i stayed for no justifiable reason.

Looking back I have made the decision not to hang out where i don’t want to be. I want to hang out with people I can learn from who also have a similar vibe or better than mine. My ex boyfriend used to tell me that in the midst of some of my friends i was usually the most intelligent and that meant i needed new friends. I just thought he was fussing until the tower of those friendships crashed like a pack of cards.

One of my biggest realizations too was that most people enjoy the inferiority of their friends, the ones who weren’t rich enough, the ones who were not up to standard. I have observed certain types of friendships where one friend has outgrown the other and living in the shadow of a friendship is obvious. Instead of taking a break from the friendship, remaining in the friendship just feeds the inferiority.

As an adult, You are responsible for your life and your relationships, choose what is desirable.