HEAD OF STATE SERIES PT 1

CHAPTER ONE

The driver dropped me off in the official car. My father was out of state for an official function, my mother was in Dubai at a women’s conference. It was just the domestic staff, I and my siblings at home. We were sheltered and could not leave the house without the guidance of the domestic staff.

It was the basic instruction from our parents and disobedience to that would lead to a great punishment

I walked towards the science block where the first period class was currently holding. It was chemistry. My teacher, Mrs Okeke was a petite, light skinned lady with short silky hair and sideburns. She was rather hairy and also showed some signs of growing a beard and also some on her chest.

She was very strict and had a shrill voice which I found rather irritating. She was standing in front of the black board teaching the class of twenty eight students.

I hesitantly walked in quietly and went to my seat.

“Jamila, why are you just coming to school?” She asked me in a loud voice. I could see twenty eight pairs of eyes staring at me waiting for an explanation for my tardiness. Where was I going to start though?

“I am sorry there was traffic on the way to school” I replied knowing that I had just told a lie that would take me straight to hell if I died immediately.

“That is not a good excuse, sit down immediately” she said sounding irritated. I sat down in my chair. My seat partner Bola smiled at me. She wrote on a piece of paper and passed it to me. I took the paper and opened it.

“She is in a bad mood this morning. We didn’t do well on the last test so be careful”

She was such a terrible teacher, no surprise that the class was not doing well. I nodded my head in acknowledgement to the note that I had just read. Bola was really nice to me. Most of the girls in my class were very competitive and some of them were not very friendly. I didn’t have to worry too much because we were not in the same circle.

I pulled out my notebook from my backpack and my pen and opened it to copy what Mrs Okeke had written on the blackboard. Mrs Okeke was staring at me. She looked angry but was short of words. She had written a chemical equation on the board that needed to be balanced.

2CL + H2 + SO4 ~> HCl + _______

The topic for almost a week in this class was balancing equations. The class had a test last week on the topic and it was as if she borrowed questions from A Level exams. Everyone in class broke a sweat on the test. Today, she was going to use this hideous equation asd6 class practice, i copied the equation into my notebook.

‘Have any of you solved the problem yet?’ She asked. There was a puzzled look on some of my classmates’ faces. She got a little impatient and repeated the question. There was silence, no one answered, pencils scratched notebooks, everyone had their eyes on their work but no answers came forth.

‘Lolade?’ Mrs Okeke said looking at a petite, dark skinned girl who sat by the window with her best friend Rosa. Lolade was incredibly smart and everyone in class revered her.

‘I am still trying to balance the equation’ Lolade responded looking frustrated. Mrs Okeke’s eyes started scanning the room. I did my best to avoid her eyes and started pretending to solve the equation. I didn’t even know how to start balancing the equation not to talk of solving it. My partner Bola looked at me helplessly. The apprehension in the room began to heighten.

‘Are you all trying to tell me you can’t solve this simple problem?’ She asked. No one responded and I also didn’t look up to see her face but i could hear the anger in her voice.

‘I will just choose someone myself’ she said. This was the worst thing to do because she could randomly choose anyone and it was a fifty percent chance for me to get called out or not get called out. My heart began to beat very fast

I kept staring at my notebook, I had to try to solve the problem just in case whoever she pocked to answer failed the question.

‘Jamila’ Mrs Okeke called out, I raised my head and saw her staring at me waiting for my response,

‘Yes ma’ i replied.

‘Come to the board and solve the equation ‘ she instructed. I hesitantly stood up, Bola looked nervously at me. I glanced at her notebook to see what she was solving so that i could have an idea of what to write on the board. I shuffled out of my seat and nervously walked to the board. The class was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I was the official class scape goat and this time i was going to be roasted in class today as a burnt offering because the probability of me solving the equation on the board correctly was equal to zero.

I got to the front of the class, she handed me a black marker to write on the white board.

I stood there, I was blank. Cl stood for chlorine, H2 was hydrogen and then SO4 was tetra sulfate and that was all i knew. I failed to grasp the mathematical aspect when she was teaching. My home tutor usually did my homework so i never tried to practice, as long as the answers to the homework were correct and i had a chance if getting a good grade in the class,that was all that mattered to me.

‘You are wasting time Jamila’ Mrs Okeke said to me, the tone in her voice sounded impatience.

I looked at her helplessly and then turned to look at my classmates who gave me the look of lost hope.

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FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

 

DOES YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAVE CONDITIONS?

I thoroughly enjoyed The Rants show today. Lately i have been approached with the idea of becoming an FWB especially after just having a relationship. Honestly speaking i am enjoying playing the open field, not belonging to anything or anyone for right now.

So a friend with benefits relationship is supposed to be one where two “friends” have a consensual sexual relationship with no strings attached. The strings are “emotions” or “expectations”. So how does this work knowing well that one person is bound to fall in love and feelings will get hurt.  A very good question.

Does your relationship have conditions? Should you have a friends with benefits relationship?

From a realistic point of view, it is not a smart idea, but again it depends on how you approach it, but then again, you are only responsible for yourself. Don’t ever assume the other person has your best interest at heart even though they say so. Put yourself first, you will save yourself from a lot of heartache later.

So who is a potential friend with benefits? Strangers. I am not saying you should run into the street and hook up with some random person, what i am saying is that you are better off with someone who has minimal investment of interest and emotions with you. Don’t hook up with your friend of over ten years who has been having the itch to crawl in bed with you, chances are you will end the benefits as enemies. Do not be Friends with Benefits with your coworker that usher from church, that chick in your class. The odds of happy endings are limited so save yourself the walk of shame when the time comes.

The “Catching Feelings” part is the biggest danger. Good sex can be confused with love; it keeps you longer than you want to stay especially when the relationship is a dead zone. Catching feelings will make you panic when there is nothing to panic about, keeps you up when the other friend is sleeping soundly. You start losing your mind when in reality you lost your mind from the get go when you opted to be a FWB when other better options of being single or being in a relationship are available, that is insanity at its finest.

With friends with benefits, its usually a Netflix and Chill scenario, chill in the sense of “having sex”. Sleep over’s and pajama parties are a “no”. Do not initiate spooning and wake up feeling shameful in the morning, those occurred after making bad decisions, drinking a glass of wine and shagging the brains off, yes in that order.

Jealousy is also one of the red flags; the “friend” goes with another friend, maybe a potential bae. Jealousy is not allowed here, the option was chosen from the get go, so getting mad and getting even is like knocking one’s head on bricks. Guess who has the headache. You!!

In the age where STD’s and unwanted pregnancies are no longer a surprise, protect yourself, use a condom to prevent STI’s, use birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Condoms are cheaper than diapers.

The Maury Show and Dr Phil have guests explaining what does not need to be explained, as consenting adults who are in it for benefits, it is best to prevent these things before they happen.

Social media and social gatherings should be kept at the bare minimum or made non existent. The social media is the quickest way to find out stuff that will cause emotional torment, lurking Facebook pages, looking for who liked what on Instagram, becoming an unpaid FBI intern, is the quickest way to have sleepless nights. The social gatherings which include close friends and family should be “no go zones”. The relationship should only exist in the bedroom, some would beg to differ and say, “lunch”, “dinner” “a movie somewhere”. Well these are minimal investments. the most important benefit is the sex, if not please do your HEART a favor and stay single, go to lunch, dinner or a movie somewhere with your friends, the regular friends. *wink*

 

 

MY REGRETS

Hello Trybe,

Hope everyone had an awesome weekend and a Happy Mother’s Day.

I coooked all day for my mom and spent time with family. I guess that was good enough.

So today i will be writing about regrets.

I usually don’t like regrets because i actually learn form my disappointments but i will take time to talk about the things i regret. The only reason why people have regrets is that we have expectations but it all leads to disappointments.

  1. Being too nice to people: Do you have people that ypu are too nice to for no reason, they don’t treat you the same way that you treat them but you take time out to be extra nice to them, you lend them money, you offer to buy them gas,lunch, movie tickets or whatever,watch their kids,  pretty much do things even when it is not convenient. I have!!! I dont want to say the extent ot which i have beemm a philantropist or how much i have been nice to people but believe it or not, i REGRET IT. I had an inicdnet about two weeks ago which made be believe that whether you are nice to people or not, if they are going to be unappreciative they will, so the lesson learned here is stick the basics, treat people the way they treat you. When you do so, you lower the risk of being and feeling disappointed.
  2.  Dating Certain people : When i mean certain people, i mean the ones with RED FLAGS. The type of people you would normally not want to associate with, you know that person is not good for you so in your mind you want to change the person, so the person falls into your dating pool with a few quirks here and there and because you “think you are in love with them” you choose to accept them until they really start acting like the flags you were supposed to not have accepted in the first place. It is a waste of time, money and emotions that could be invested into other things that would reap positive benefits. I have stayed in relationships longer than i should have when i could have just taken the L and moved on.
  3. Not going to Medical School: After my first degree, i played with the thought of going to Medical School as well as the man other issues i had at a point in my life. Even with the time i spent dilly dallying, i should have gone to Med School, i would be graduating by now or would have graduated if i started earlier, but on the other hand , maybe Med School was not for me , i probably wanted to do it because my parents wanted me to be a doctor.

Share your regrets. I would love to read them!!

BOOK REVIEW:I AM JUDGING YOU

Hello

Happy Friday, its been such a busy week for me

I have finally finished reading “I am Judging You”

Here is my review.

Its the kind of book i would read slowly in the sense that she is not only judging you but also giving you her personal opinion about certain things in life.

Its divided into four parts

  1. Life
  2. Culture
  3. Social Media
  4. Fame

In life she talks about friends and different types of friendships, relationships when the have gone bad, and also how our judgement of a person quickly declines once we have had sex with them. Anal Bleaching is another intereting topic as well as skin bleaching.

“People you’ve known your entire life but haven’t seen in a year might show up looking like Casper the Friendly Ghost when they were previously the color of a Snickers bar and no one can address the pink,bleached elephant in the room” -Luvvie Ajayi.

She also talks about how people view weight in the society, personal hygiene is also on the list.

In Culture she talks about Racism, that is a topic that is pretty still obvious in modern day America

Racism is not always white hoods and burning crosses. It is behind teacher’s desks ans in principals’ offices.-Luvvie Ajayi.

She also talks about privilege ( i will let you read that yourself, it is very thought provoking). Also about how people think Africa is a country, still on the geography topic all day everyday, i am appalled to know that people still think that Africa is a country.

Do you have cars where you’re from? Do you wear clothes at home? Is there a lion in your backyard? Do you speak African? When did you learn to speak English? How did your hut fit your whole family? Who is the president of Africa? -Luvvie Ajayi.

She also speaks of rape culture and feminisim, homophobia and also religion.

In Social media, she talks about the use and abuse of hashtags,( i am an offender). Facebook Soap Operas for those who love their drama online, ebehaviors, success in business failure (using comic sans she says is an epic fail.) Lastly about how real G’s move in silence, keep things to themselves until plans are executed.

In Fame, she talks about how people feel they are a big deal on the internet, the ones who feel you have to know who they are, the brands, those who are quasi famous, it is a hilarious list especially as she describes each personality. Sex tapes and The Real World.

It is a twenty three chapter book which is comical as well as thought provoking. It deals with real life issues that we either talk about or are to scred to talk about sometimes.

I think you should read it I am Judging You

HE TELLS ME EVERYTHING

Hellooooo!!!!!

I haven’t posted anything in about a week

Also Welcome to the Month of May.

Anyway nothing new has been happening except the weather is hot and more money needs to be made. But first i have something to say.

I was talking to a chic today who was telling me how her boyfriend told her about her exes, he told her the girls he had slept with , in her exact words,

He tells me everything

I was speechless.

There are many things i can gossip with my man about, the weather, drinks we had last night, where we wnet last week, the chic at work who wont give me a break, the crazy dance my dad did at the famiy reunion, those sort of things. And she got defensive real quick too. Girl i was laughing in several languages in my head.

“One thing you dont know about _____,He tells me who he is messing with, who he has messed with, he tells me everything.”

I just replayed that part in my head

Drops Mic

Cracking Up.

So if he has been messing with these people while you are somewhere else nursing and taking care of your kid together does that even sound appropriate.

Straight up deluded.

If he tells you everything, why are you not preference, why are you not top priority? He should be having sex with you not those other women. He keeps adding to the list, adding a new number 44….45… 46….Why are you not the chosen one? He tells you about the sex escapades and the women he messed with over a glass of wine or on the phone and you think he is giving you tea, you are his bestie, his road dawg for life. That’s first class poison about to become an overdose.

I actually think it is disrespectful for a man to sit and tell his “current or prospective” about the crazy affairs he has had or women he messed with except he is using it as a reference point on conversation.

It is straight up disrespectful to put a face to the women who made you have an orgasm in bed and then parted ways with them. The gossip might be a bonding tool, but it is not love.

This type of man will continue to brag about his exes and tell the current how their exes still want them and they assure you there is nothing to worry about.

If he has to tell you everything, let him tell you everything that matters and that will also last, let his actions match his words, not just constructing sentencs and telling you things that you need to hear and meanwhile acting differently.

A man who has respect for a woman will pick and choose what to tell her that is important, things like how to build a healthy relationship, finances, vacations, investments not keeping a list of where he opens the fly of his pants or the number of chics he has slept with.

MY 5 RELATIONSHIP DEAL BREAKERS

As the saying goes

“The older we get, our red flags become our deal breakers”

We date people and become friends with them, get to know them better and see if we can get into a certain level of compatibility with them. This also means that “sometimes” we have to accept their flaws because we have ours and we want them to accept us too, but there should be a line between accepting someone’s flaws and a red flag. Those red flags as we have gotten older have become our deal breakers. Here are my top 10

  1. Education: I love men who have a drive for education even if it is just vocational school, a PHD,a Bachelors or something. There is something about having a certificate in your name that shows that you have spent a certain amount of time getting the education and it is useful  for that purpose or more. No one can take that away from you. Once a guy has no passion to better himself in terms of education, that by itself is a dealbreaker for me. It also reflects the way he thinks too. Some people who have lesser educational accomplishments tend to project their sense of insecurities on their partner and please dont argue this fact with me, it has happened to me.
  2. Show Off: Insecure people are the biggest show offs, they tend to want to prove that they have certain things or they are a certain type of people. I am one of the people who doesn’t care. I once dated a guy who always bragged, he bragged about everything. The thing abiut braggers for me is that i always listen to them and ust make my conclusions on their behavior without telling them. Usually they are very insecure and suffer from approval addiction. This is my deal breaker especially after the second date when i am sure that this is a behavioral pattern.
  3. No sense of Humor: I think this should top the charts for me. I find humor in every situation except death and disease. I dont undrstand why  i would have to walk on eggshells in my relationship watching everything i want to say or have to say because he lacks sense of humor. My best friend is a comedian, no matter how bad a situation is, i always have a good laugh or find comic relief, i want to have a relationship filled with good laughs. If i can’t joke or be humorous around him, sorry bro, thats a deal breaker.
  4. A Different Religion: I am a Christian and i cannot date a guy  who is  not a Christian , it is not because i think Christianity is the best religion its just the clash in terms of differences and if one or both of us wil be able to cope or convert. A Catholic guy once tried to date me and through certain conversations i realize he is stuck to his beliefs and we may never be able to compromise, it could cause unwarranted arguments and promote family division when we have kids so i decided to say “deuces”.
  5. Vices: My biggest relationship deal breakers in terms of dating are somoking, drinking and womanizing. These are habits that require money, so before it becomes a deal breaker, how financially stable is the man? Smoking and its adverse smell, i cant deal with that. I love social drinkers, but drinking to stupor is a no no. Womanizing, the art of chasing after anything in skirt when you have a bikini at home, that for me is a deal breaker, i cannot handle the thought of STD’s or unwanted pregnanices, the man can go very farrrr away from me.

FILM AND BOOKS: APRIL 23RD WEEK

My latest thing now is to immerse myself in music, books and movies.

I really don’t watch a whole lot of tv or movies but if i find a good movie i would recommend it.

MOVIES

Dave Chappelle: The Age of Spin is his first show in LA in ten years. It is a must watch. Too funny!!!

The Wedding Party directed by Kemi Adetiba is a great movie and its pretty hilarious.

 

BOOKS

Rich Girl Problems by Tu Shonda Whitaker

I am Judging You by Luvvie Ajayi

The Wait By Devon Franklin And Meagan Goode.

 

By the end of the week, i will give my full review on all three books.

 

 

“Lala is married, I am not” -Carmelo Anthony

These days, relationships seem to be as temporary as a snapchat story.

People get into relationships all smiles, showing off, posting  things that seem to make others want to be in a relationship and then comment with the hashtag that states #relationshipgoals😍. I will just sit over here and give the side eye. Yes it is that serious.

I had no hope for relationships after Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt broke up. I mean how? Then T. I and Tiny, and other celebrities I know, Cynthia Bailey and Thomas. I mean lets be real, what happened to love like the TV couples back in the nineties, The Winslows, The Cosby’s, goodness knows how many tv families I grew up with. What kept them together? They sure had their own share of problems but they never split.

We live in a generation where love is selfish and almost non existent but seriously why was I born in this era, why not a few decades before so that I would have dated and married men who at least had common sense?

So early this week, I was greeted with the news that Lala And Melo split. I love Lala and I remember when she got married,  she was so happy and in love. Now is it me or basketball players just have the tendency to be unfaithful to their wives. Stephen Curry seems to be the only exception for now.

 Yes I said now.

Let’s take a look into the NBA circle where we have Dwane and Gabby Wade who had a similar problem, Dwane fathered a child outside and Gabby still married him, Kobe Bryant cheated and Vanessa is still into the marriage so many years later. Yesterday Kobe and Vanessa Bryant celebrated sixteen years of marriage. Who could have  thought they would survive the cheating episode? But guess what, they sure did, Kobe bought that million dollar ring. They worked through it.

Melo went to the Gentlemens club, he met a dancer, they hooked up and now she is pregnant, six months pregnant.  It is shameful in my own opinion. I learned that these basketball players tend to hoe around while they are on the road but for you to go out into town bareback is gross. ( I am hoping he wrapped it up and the condom broke) . But even when the condom breaks at least Melo would know, what happened to plan B? Goodness, I am asking all these questions that I can’t even answer because it is already six months too late to do anything. Also Lala already found out. Carmelo did not tell her, she found out. 

Did you hear what I said?

She found out!!!!!!

Lala is married, I am not”- Carmelo

This statement alone is painful. It is also thoughtless.

So is Melo simply saying that all the while he was not fully committed to being married to Lala?

Why didn’t he leave instead of running around town sticking his penis into holes and either uploading STDs or downloading babies?

If you are not happy leave

Don’t create scandals

The breakup would have be easier when both couples would sit down and conclude that it’s no longer working instead of creating tv drama to end the marriage

There is nothing more painful than having to deal with a spouse or partner who is not emotionally and physically in the relationship anymore. The beautiful memories would be marred with tears and regret.
Lala is a beautiful woman.  I believe she is better off without Carmelo. Let him go please. Next!!!!!!

THE AFFAIR

I didn’t mean for it to happen

But it did happen

He was fifteen years older

He was very cute

His marriage was troubled

It affected his work

One day, he graded me wrongly

When i went to him to have my work re graded

He looked at me

It was normal for a teacher to look at his student

But this look was different

It was lustful

He stared at my D cups which were fighting to pop out of my shirt

My D cups

The most attractive part of my body

He winked at me

He changed the 69 to an 89.

Then subsequently my C’s became A’s

He would grab me into the store room

And touch my breasts

I loved the sensation

He licked and sucked on my nipples so good

He would touch my “down there”

It became a daily routine and each day we added new adventures

We always prayed never to be seen as we entered the store room

We enjoyed pleasure for ten minutes or less, sometimes more

My moans of pleasure were usually muffled by the cup of his palm

My legs would become like jelly as the shook while he gave me pleasure

My classmates wondered how i got such good grades

i didn’t need to study

No matter what i wrote, i still scored better than them

i could not tell anyone

my conscience was dead too

as long as i enjoyed myself nothing else mattered.

One day mother nature caught up with me

My visitor didn’t come that month, and also the next month

I told him

He didn’t respond

the next day he didn’t touch me

The day after he avoided me

By the end of the week my grades slipped

I went from 99 to 89

From 89 to 79

My breasts were full

I began to fall asleep in my classes

I was always tired

He was no longer friendly

He embarrassed me in front of the class when my answers were incorrect

He scolded me for being tardy

One day i went back to his office,

He was not there

I decided to check the store room

He usually graded our papers there

Unannounced, i showed up to the store room

Bent on all fours was another young girl, just like me

She was in my class

I was shocked

I ran

I cried

All the way home

At night i cried

Next morning

I went back to school

To the class that now gave me misery

A big, burly woman in her sixties was in front of the board

I sat down and listened to her teach

after she left

I asked about him

He was shot

By the woman who loved him

BABY FEVER TALK:WHO WANTS TO BE MY BABY DADDY?

I dont have children yet.
I used the word yet because I want to have children in the future.
I turned thirty three years old about two weeks ago and now it seems I am behind on the rearing children program. I don’t even have a BOYFRIEND anymore.
A few months ago, I met a guy who had a baby by his ex girlfriend. Usually the fact that a man had a child by another woman would usually be my deal breaker. In this case,all of a sudden I felt she would be ours and I would help raise the child until we were ready to have MINE.
Yes I said MINE, not OURS, I could be selfish sometimes.
I saw myself buying things for a little baby, feeding, watching the child grow, I was excited. I was also fearful because I was not sure how her birth mother would accommodate me sharing her child with the father. It would seem like I was invading her territory. I would feel the same way too especially if the child decided to like me better than her birth mother. (some kids do, after a few cups of ice cream and the talk of Disneyland)
The problem was solved. We broke up.
Now I am by myself in living color trying to figure out
1) How to get another boyfriend/potential husband
2) How to conceive as a wife or a baby mom
I mean both are relatively easy. I am not open minded anymore, when I was younger I had more specs than I do now. I started dropping the specs one by one, some are still very important, others are flaws I can work with.
My ideal child has always been one of mixed breed. The worst part is I am not sexually attracted to someone outside my race so how will that be possible? I have a weakness and a strong obsession for mixed kids, their hair, their eyes and their skin color (that fifty percent of both shades, a mocha latte color). Should I adopt one or go and have one of my own, with my own genes?
I want a set of twins, a boy and girl and then I am good. Like seriously, I would be content with a set of twins.
About ninety percent of my friends have children and eighty nine percent of them are married, so the one percent are single moms. Three to five years ago, our weekend plans were house parties and club events. nowadays I get invitations to baby showers, kids first and second year birthdays. I don’t have a puppy or cat to take to these events talk less of a child. I don’t want to be anti social either, I end up going. I feel my ovaries move as I see little children play, or adventurously look at objects. Their smiles warm my heart, their tears remind me of why I haven’t had any of their species in my house because I don’t have the patience for tears, especially when I don’t know why the child is crying.
I love going to department stores and shopping for my imaginary children though. Picking colors, sizes, it makes me happy but that’s how far it goes.
I do want to have a baby soon, so that my kids will have play dates with my friends’ kids. So that I will be looking sexy and sweet when my child is eighteen, not that typical middle aged parent look.
So that my brother will have a niece or nephew
So that my tv programming will include chidlren’s channels
So that i have an excuse to buy lego and Barbie dolls
So that my hair wont be completely white in my family pictures with my kids ( i have a very interesting amount of gray hair, it started five years ago and no i am not dying my hair)
i think I should have just gotten pregnant in my twenties even though my thirties was my ideal age of starting a family (still waiting).
Oh well!! Let’s just say I have baby fever.
Who wants to be my baby daddy?