In the mighty decade of the 3 zeros, we need to do better in terms of friendships.

As children, we started out as playmates, having a lot in common such as running around, riding bikes, playing in the sand, eating ice cream and doing so many things with little or no worries.

In our teens, we made friends at school, football buddies, chemistry study buddies, cheer leading squad and so many others. In college, we had dorm mates, study buddies, boy/girlfriends, social friends.

In our twenties, it was graduation period and new jobs, so we made friends with co workers who fit the bill or met new friends at social events.

Have you already noticed that the pool just got smaller?

In our thirties, most people have either become professionals, married or parents. This leaves a small window for constant friendships.
So what type of friendships do we need these days?

In this decade, improvements in lifestyle is very important. Choosing friends in this age is also critical.

We need friends who push us to do better and also live lifestyles worth emulating. So if you hang out with people who only live for Friday nights at the club and the weekend partying, you will end up being like them. If you make friends with people who are always looking to invest of come up with start up opportunities, you will most likely be inclined to do the same. No one associates with failures. Associate with people who have a positive, influential mindset. The ones who push you to further your education for career success and personal development. The ones who will pull a few people to invest in a business or come through with a start up.

If one of your friends is like a flat tire in your life, you need to pump up a new one.


The people that you gossip with most of the time are not loyal.

Have you ever had that one friend you tell everything to?

You trust that friend with the best of your secrets and then one day something happens and you find out that they have been talking about you. You find out because the report is coming back to you from the person they were gossiping about you with.

It is also funny how the story becomes embellished and they leave out details of the things that they actually said.

We should be careful about what we say to people because you never know what will be said or how it will come back to you. Lately I have learned not to even talk about my personal life with anyone except my brother and a few trusted people. I just keep things surface and only tell people what I feel they need to know which is something that if it was told to someone else I would be comfortable.

The rate at which people tell stories these days in order to be famous is really disgusting.

Some of the people we call our “friends” may not really like us.

Also remember that if the gossip with you, they will also gossip about you.


Today would have been Aaliyah’s fortieth birthday. She died in the summer about eighteen years ago in  a plane crash. Two weeks before what would have been her fortieth birthday came the series, Surviving R Kelly.

In my last blog post, I wrote how it bothered me that a thirty year old man would date a fifteen year old girl.

I have two reasons why a man would do so, i would start with the lesser reason and then end with the major one.

Immaturity: This is one reason why a 30 year old man would date a girl between the age of 14-19. I have seen this relationship and in this dynamic, the man is childlike. He is not mature enough to handle a woman his age or maybe older. Women mature faster than men physically and mentally. A man and a woman about the same age are in an entirely different space mentally. What a twenty nine year old woman may desire, a twenty nine year old man would not have fathomed the thought, this makes it frustrating. Some women see this as a turn off especially because they see it as not being able to handle someone who is about the same age as them, this is a form of insecurity and some men are very quick to project their insecurities.

In the case of R Kelly, i cannot say he was insecure in any way. I just think he had a thing for real young girls. These girls were at his beck and call. He was a handsome and rich upcoming artist. Who would not want to be associated with wealth and fame? He lingered on the school grounds of Ken wood High school when he could have found “women”  in any night club while he was on tour, there were tons of barely legal women there and when i say barely legal, i mean young women who had barely just turned eighteen or twenty one. Why did he do this? Its because of Control.

My major reason for the huge age difference in dating/relationships is CONTROL. Teenagers and young women are not quite as experienced as women in other age ranges. it is very easy to manipulate them and it is always to the advantage of the man. An older woman would be able to see past his shenanigans especially because she has once in her life experienced a heart break or watched someone go through relationship problems enough to see red flags. Younger girls are a little more naive and haven’t viewed life beyond the unshattered crystal glass they are looking out of.

R Kelly and Aaliyah got married when he was 27 years old and she was 15 years old in 1994.  They were married without the knowledge and consent of her parents and family. Did she really agree to marry him? Was there any pressure involved?

As much as her family members deny the whole incident and try to brush it under the rug, it just sweeps underlying problems that can be figured out and the lessons used to help other young girls going through the same thing or at least prevent them from dealing with the same thing.

R Kelly was said to have mentored her and helped her out with the album “Age Aint nothing but a number”. This is probably the underlying tone for their relationship. Why should age matter? Its nothing but a number. The number was the problem. The number was attached to laws and the legal system doesn’t lay. If age was nothing but a number, why is alcohol not sold to minors, why are cigarettes not sold to minors? Why is the retirement age 65? Why not 25?

Age is not just nothing but a number. It holds a lot of significance.

If it was just a number, why did they forge papers to get married?

If you are not doing anything wrong, you won’t be hiding in plain sight.


I watched the Surviving R Kelly series on TV yesterday.

It left an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. Most people who were in the docuseries told their individual stories as women, as survivors. They survived his abuse. It was painful to watch. It will haunt them for life.

In the beginning, some twisted inner circle member of R Kelly’s family abused him, even his brother said the same thing. They just won’t say who did it. We all have someone in the inner caucus that was always willing to play dirty with kids.

Caroy ( R Kelly’s brother) said he told Robert who shrugged it off and told him it never happened. According to Caroy, if his brother didn’t believe or rather was in denial of what had happened, how would an adult handle it?

He couldn’t tell his mom, she would not believe him. I don’t understand why an adult would think a child would sit down and make up such a sick story especially when its happening to them.

In the light of this, I want to be the kind of parent that my kid will run to, and tell anything especially if they were touched inappropriately. I want them to be able to tell me what is going on in their lives without feeling defensive or feeling that i would judge them. ~Me

Our parents were always judgmental about things like this especially because molestation was not normal, they were taboos and so they would rather not discuss it.

This is where our generation comes in, we have to break the cycle of sweeping things under the rug or not discussing certain issues because you have to be a certain age.

This is 2019, a ten year old knows certain sexually behaviors that a fifty year old woman refuses to discuss. In a ten year old mind, the only reason it cannot be spoken about openly is because of seeing an adult as an authority and those things cannot be spoken about.

If you got involved in things like this and I mean sex, it would always be your fault, that is the wrong approach. It sounds more like snitching would get you as the snitch in trouble. Most of the time it always does especially when the adult is not held accountable.

His music teacher said that his sexuality was in his music.

He sang about it. He was 26 years old when his first album 12 Play was released.

I was 9 years old then and it was inappropriate for me to listen to but then again it was catchy,it was normal, my peers listened to his music and that album was successful and further launched him into his music career. “Body’s calling” and “Bump and Grind” were my favorite songs from that album.It was in the same way I believed that listening to Adina Howard’s “Freak like me” was also cool.

Kelly is not called the “Pied Piper of R & B” for nothing. If you were into children’s books, you would know that the Pied Pier would use music to draw children to him and they would go for several miles until they got lost. Kelly did this with underage girls, teenagers.

I have always had a problem with men who date girls that have more than a decade age gap especially when they are under twenty one.

It doesn’t apply to a forty year old man dating a twenty eight year old girl because she is old enough to make such decisions, she has probably gone to college and established herself in a profession and is now old enough to make decisions in regards to who she dates and wants to spend the rest of her life with.

I just can’t understand a thirty year old man and a fifteen year old girl, that is just pure madness. I believe the reason why a man would do this is Control.


Last Saturday

To end the year, my friend organized a Girls outing and we had brunch in Napa.

We went on the Napa Wine Train and it was a lovely experience.

We went on the Le Gourmet Express which left the station in Napa at 11.30 am and returned at 2pm.

The first part of the trip was sitting in the lounge area and having drinks and hor douvres.


The latter part was the lunch itself. Lunch started when we got to Saint Helena and started the route going back.



It was a great experience. Two hours just chatting with friends and passing up different wineries in Northern California.


Between the legs of a woman is one of the most powerful places ever.

Those legs

Those thighs lead up to a priceless spot.

Between the legs of a woman is one of the most powerful places ever.
It holds a penis, it can give an orgasm,it can hold a tampon and it is a tunnel for another human to come out of, a human that can weigh between the average of six to nine pounds.

It is sacred.

It holds a lot of power.

Most women don’t know the kind of power they have hidden between their legs.

Some men would pay hundreds of thousands to slide in between the legs of a woman, this is where prostitutes become important, this is where whatever is in between the legs becomes a commodity.

Some men would cheat on their girlfriends or significant others to get in between the legs of another  woman, it could be any other woman, whatever is in between the legs are quite similar, the only difference is how the giver of pleasure gives it to the man.

The want is high, the pleasure is temporary, it lasts but a few minutes but some men have lost their love, their homes, their money, their fame and fortune for what is in between the legs of a woman.

Whatever is in between our legs are not supposed to be hotel rooms for temporary guests.  That are holds a lot of  power, it has the power to make the penis hard during sex while stroking, it gives pleasure and orgasm.

Every month, blood comes from in between the legs for five to seven days non stop which is collected by a tampon or a pad.  This right there is a woman’s power to bleed for so long and not die.

Haven’t we seen accident victims die due to loss of blood, yet we have it coming from in between our legs for several days and we move around like nothing has happened.

A baby’s head comes out from in between the legs. I have watched child births on TV and just the size of some baby heads and how they stretch to come out is amazing.

This is a powerful thing.

If a woman knows the value of “in between her legs” , it wont be a pit stop for men who need a place to rest. The man who wants to be a guest must be willing to stay, or else don’t open the gates of the legs so  the man be a guest and then go away.

Let him see the parts of the body that are visible first and see if he wants to stay, between the legs should be the prize. Simple as that.

This post is written in response to the featured image from this article from a book called by Rupi Kaur called Milk and Honey. 

She writes beautiful poetry and i urge you to read her work.