relationship · Uncategorized · wedding

THE WEDDING LIST

Hello Trybe

Its been a busy month for me and last weekend was the busiest.

There was a wedding and it was a beautiful wedding.

One of the most stressful parts of planning a wedding in my own opinion is the guest list

Who are you inviting?

How many guests are coming?

In the United States the average cost for a wedding is $32000.

I could start a business with that amount of money and reap awesome rewards.

Why would i want to spend $32000 on a wedding? But again it happens. Its a once in a lifetime thing, its a milestone so i should be hapy to spend such money to celebrate it.

The cake, the hall, decorations, photographer, dj, wedding dress and suits, bridesmaids and groomsmen suits, flower arrangements, the food and so many other things.

Feeding guests is about $80- $100 a plate. Multiply that by two hundred and fifty people.

All these preparations for just a few hrs, is the average $32,000 worth it for a few hrs?

I love weddings don’t get me wrong but these days weddings are becoming over rated. All the hype just for a few hours. The reception is usually the best part and has the most guests.

The church just has the major role players watch the union, the parents, siblings, close friends and the well wishers. Everyone else at the reception come there for the food and entertainment and i am just being realistic. I am one of those people.

I cannot even remember the last time i went to the church to watch a couple get married.

Some sermons are long and depending on the weather especially if it is hot, i want to leave. Note to self: The Pastor should make the ceremony at my wedding forty five minutes.Amen!!!

So let’s get back to the guests, who should you invite to your wedding? Who would i ideally invite to my wedding.

Typically being a Nigerian with a lot of “friends”. From childhood, high school, few from college, work and then my current social circle. I know a lot of people. I am an extrovert and i tend to meet and acquaint with people easily. My family members also have a lot of friends and that makes it a lot of people from my side of the family at my wedding. So imagine i get proposed to within the next year and i have to plan a wedding who am i inviting? It’s na

Hello Trybe

It’s been a busy month for me and last weekend was the busiest.

There was a wedding and it was a beautiful wedding.

One of the most stressful parts of planning a wedding in my own opinion is the guest list

Who are you inviting?

How many guests are coming?

In the United States the average cost for a wedding is $32000.

I could start a business with that amount of money and reap awesome rewards.

Why would i want to spend $32000 on a wedding? But again it happens. Its a once in a lifetime thing, its a milestone so i should be happy to spend such money to celebrate it.

The cake, the hall, decorations, photographer, DJ, wedding dress and suits, bridesmaids and groomsmen suits, flower arrangements, the food and so many other things.

Feeding guests is about $80- $100 a plate. Multiply that by two hundred and fifty people.

All these preparations for just a few hrs, is the average $32,000 worth it for a few hrs?

I love weddings don’t get me wrong but these days weddings are becoming over rated. All the hype just for a few hours. The reception is usually the best part and has the most guests.

The church just has the major role players watch the union, the parents, siblings, close friends and the well wishers. Everyone else at the reception comes there for the food and entertainment and i am just being realistic. I am one of those people.

I cannot even remember the last time I went to the church to watch a couple get married.

Some sermons are long and depending on the weather especially if it is hot, i want to leave. Note to self: The Pastor should make the ceremony at my wedding forty five minutes. Amen!!!

So let’s get back to the guests, who should you invite to your wedding? Who would I ideally invite to my wedding?

Typically being a Nigerian with a lot of “friends”. From childhood, high school, few from college, work and then my current social circle. I know a lot of people. I am an extrovert and i tend to meet and acquaint with people easily. My family members also have a lot of friends and that makes it a lot of people from my side of the family at my wedding. So imagine i get proposed to within the next year and i have to plan a wedding who am i inviting? It’s natural for my parents to want to bring their friends and invite this person and that person. Hold up right there!!!!!!

No!!!!!!!

So let me get a sieve and remove what i need, the rest will remain on the filter.  Typically i want a small and intimate wedding, I was in Laguna Hills the first week in August and the wedding had fewer than a hundred and twenty people. Everything was perfect. Once there are too many people at a wedding, especially a Nigerian wedding, things start moving to the left. Some form of chaos will develop, everyone is suddenly part of the planning and they always have to say something.

Let me plan my wedding in my head in a few words. I will most definitely get a wedding planner/coordinator. None of the planning will be done by any of my friends. I am a stickler for having things done a certain way and when people don’t meet up to my expectations i get disappointed, its worse when its even done for free so i would rather pay someone to get it done. I also don’t want to lose friends in arguments about what could have been. Anyway why would you not pay someone? Time is money.

I intend to have two hundred and fifty people max. Half comes from my list and the other half is his list.  So my ideals are:

  1. Family: Grandparents, Parents and siblings are priority. Extended family members like aunts, uncles, cousins can be considered depending on the relationship with them. Is it cordial? Would there be drama? I don’t want anyone acting a soap opera at my wedding.
  2. Friends: Current friendships on a daily, weekly or monthly basis are priority. I know we are adults and have move on some friends we would love to invite but if i cannot, i would be glad to share my day with them on social media and i am saying this with a kind heart. I have gotten to a stage in life where i cannot take things too personal especially with people i hardly talk to or keep in touch with.
  3. Colleagues: I would only invite colleagues i would like to have at my wedding. And i hope he does too.
  4. Children: This is a tough one, they would probably have their own space because i don’t want kids running around when the reception program is going on. I also love having kids at a wedding because they can pick money sprayed by adults (Nigerian adults), they are closest to the ground. Aso ebi girls make their outfits so grand they may not be able to bend down to pick money.
  5. They don’t live in your city: It’s tough to invite people who don’t live in your area or state, they have to be really close to me to want to spend the money to fly to watch me get married and i do have friends like that, and that is because i would do the same for them.

With a list like this it would be very easy to make my decisions.

There would be wedding crashers. In my head I am still deciding what to do with wedding crashers, they would probably have their own table, and I would make two or three tables so when I am watching my wedding video I would see who crashed the wedding. (laughs in Japanese). I can also look across the room from my seat and see who was able to crash the wedding and have a good laugh with “Mr Man”.

I love weddings but an intimate small wedding with details is what I really need.

I will leave my list at the door so check your names and your tables at the door. I want my wedding to be like Judgment Day, if your name is not there, you weren’t invited. No hard feelings, i only want to pay for what i can afford.

 

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movie · relationship

GRAPEFRUIT TECHNIQUE

Hello Trybe,

Its the end of the month and this weekend is about to be a blast!!

It was hot and popping yesterday when i went to watch “Girl’s Trip”.

If you haven’t seen it, please do so, you are guaranteed to laugh till you want to pee.

So there was a part in the movie where Dina was telling her friend how to give fellatio with grapefruit.

That part was so funny, i literaly cried, my mascara ran all over my face.

Who has ever given fellatio with fruit?

What did it feel like?

I want to try it with my man *hides faces*

I heard about the juice dripping into the urethra and burning him when he trieds to pee. Maybe i should use a different fruit with succulent juice. How does fruit or food work during sex? The closest i have tried is whipped cream and the fellow was more woried about his bedsheets than enjoying the moment.

When i do it, i will post my experience.

 

 

Feature · relationship

THE SEX TAPE

 

 

Hello Trybe!!!!

It’s been a hot weekend, so hot that the makeup on my face has turned my face into two different countries. Hope you have been keeping cool out there.

Empires have risen after viral sex tapes hit the internet. One of the first names that come to my mind when i hear the word “Sex tape” is Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Apart from their sex tape which probably yielded a lot of money, the attention the media gave them allowed them to craft into a lot of store departments selling their own branded products. Do you see where this got them? Other celebrities who have done sex tapes are

Pamela Anderson

Hulk Hogan

Eve

Jennifer Lopez

Kid Rock

Tila Tequila

And so on…..

So what on earth would make a person record their sexual escapades or should i call them sexual fantasies? Kim Kardashian made that sex tape with Ray J and she became famous. Famous!!!!!

I have never done a sex tape and i would not consider doing a sex tape ever. Not even with my husband. Some people enjoy watching themselves give pleasure to another person. It is fine, but not with me.

Sex on its own is an activity that requires a lot of energy. I would not diffuse the energy that brings about a lot of pleasure and then record it. Sex is for that moment and it ends there, anything else after putting on your clothes and minding your own business is just for the memory.

The internet remains undefeated. People can also be very mischievous or vengeful depending on the situation, so guess what happens, the sex tape you did with your high school boyfriend/girlfriend ends up on the internet either as a result of a bet or just plain mischief. I mean let’s say i meet a guy i am crazy in love with, like absolutely crazy in love with, then i decide to make a sex tape with him because in my little head we are going to last forever, have kids, grandkids, build empires, travel the world, that kind love. About eight months to two years later, we break up. There are those crazy sex tapes we made, put it on some USB and forgot about them. On a day he felt like being vengeful or mischievous he puts a preview on his private Instagram page for his followers and takes it down within an hour, then uploads it to a porno site.

So some porno watching fan will see me in the store somewhere and start a convo like

Stranger:”I think i have seen you before”

Me: Really? Where?

Stranger: I think i watched your porno video.

Me: (speechless)

I don’t even think i have thought of what i would do to save face, but i have actually imagined such a moment and i don’t ever want that moment to happen so i won’t make a sex tape.

Sex is a powerful thing. It gives a lot of pleasure and it also destroys, it has destroyed friendships, marriages, businesses and even political careers. Imagine you want to be a president or a mayor someday and then the video of your sexcapade shows up. It is a recorded action, your life has become a reality show. Then anger and revenge comes out, who sent it? Who told? Who did? It would be too late to do damage control. What am i driving at?

Sex tapes are more destructive than useful so why do it in the first place. It is not something that one person is proud to show another person so why waste your time making a sex tape. It can also be used as blackmail most especially when someone does not get their way. It has destroyed potential political careers. Unless i decide to become a porn star which is quite unlikely, i won’t make a sex tape. I have had freaks as boyfriends in the past and the craziest fantasy ever was a ……actually it was not a sex tape (smiles).

Whether you are in a relationship or not? Would you ever make a sex tape? Whose sex tape would you watch? (Smiles and runs away). Have a hot week.

 

 

 

 

relationship

DISCUSSING THE EX WITH THE PRESENT, IS IT A GOOD IDEA?

Hello Tribe!!!!

It’s been a minute since I wrote

Relationships are sweet and beautiful in the early stages. The honeymoon phase is usually the best, the need to share and bond comes in.

Questions are asked like. What is your favorite color?

Do you like ice cream?  What are your financial goals? Are you buying a house next year? How many people have you slept with? Sex with condoms or nah?

Everything is perfect.

Everything is bliss.

And then you get the question about your “ex”.

Would you discuss your ex with your current partner?

That was me once upon a time when I was like an open book, quick to share my experiences with my exes, good or bad. I had no problem sharing information but then there was this dude that I dated, he came into my life and changed everything

It all began when I was in love and happy with the new man in my lifetime, everything was perfect, sharing information was nothing. I felt like I was writing in my diary, I felt like I was sharing it with the one who would not judge me.

One day, it backfired. We got into an argument and he brought up the past, the things I said, made reference to my ex, he had to find something to hold onto. I could not believe that a man who claimed to love me would use my past as a reference point in a argument. I learned a valuable lesson, let the past be past, unless the information is necessary, don’t bring it up. I operate on a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy and I guess it is going to work for me. Some men feel threatened when they find out your ex may have been more handsome and probably made more money. Don’t  talk about the restaurants and nightclubs you and your ex once hung out. It is very uncomfortable. I would feel the same way too.  Also don’t talk about what your ex bought you as a present, some people can’t handle those types of truth. Have you ever been so honest with someone that you ended up feeling bad for doing so?

I have been in that situation.

For the potential Bae reading this I will tell you one thing .I don’t want to know how many women you dated or slept with, also don’t put a face to her when you tell me. Some things are better left unsaid.

 

 

relationship

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

 

DOES YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAVE CONDITIONS?

I thoroughly enjoyed The Rants show today. Lately i have been approached with the idea of becoming an FWB especially after just having a relationship. Honestly speaking i am enjoying playing the open field, not belonging to anything or anyone for right now.

So a friend with benefits relationship is supposed to be one where two “friends” have a consensual sexual relationship with no strings attached. The strings are “emotions” or “expectations”. So how does this work knowing well that one person is bound to fall in love and feelings will get hurt.  A very good question.

Does your relationship have conditions? Should you have a friends with benefits relationship?

From a realistic point of view, it is not a smart idea, but again it depends on how you approach it, but then again, you are only responsible for yourself. Don’t ever assume the other person has your best interest at heart even though they say so. Put yourself first, you will save yourself from a lot of heartache later.

So who is a potential friend with benefits? Strangers. I am not saying you should run into the street and hook up with some random person, what i am saying is that you are better off with someone who has minimal investment of interest and emotions with you. Don’t hook up with your friend of over ten years who has been having the itch to crawl in bed with you, chances are you will end the benefits as enemies. Do not be Friends with Benefits with your coworker that usher from church, that chick in your class. The odds of happy endings are limited so save yourself the walk of shame when the time comes.

The “Catching Feelings” part is the biggest danger. Good sex can be confused with love; it keeps you longer than you want to stay especially when the relationship is a dead zone. Catching feelings will make you panic when there is nothing to panic about, keeps you up when the other friend is sleeping soundly. You start losing your mind when in reality you lost your mind from the get go when you opted to be a FWB when other better options of being single or being in a relationship are available, that is insanity at its finest.

With friends with benefits, its usually a Netflix and Chill scenario, chill in the sense of “having sex”. Sleep over’s and pajama parties are a “no”. Do not initiate spooning and wake up feeling shameful in the morning, those occurred after making bad decisions, drinking a glass of wine and shagging the brains off, yes in that order.

Jealousy is also one of the red flags; the “friend” goes with another friend, maybe a potential bae. Jealousy is not allowed here, the option was chosen from the get go, so getting mad and getting even is like knocking one’s head on bricks. Guess who has the headache. You!!

In the age where STD’s and unwanted pregnancies are no longer a surprise, protect yourself, use a condom to prevent STI’s, use birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Condoms are cheaper than diapers.

The Maury Show and Dr Phil have guests explaining what does not need to be explained, as consenting adults who are in it for benefits, it is best to prevent these things before they happen.

Social media and social gatherings should be kept at the bare minimum or made non existent. The social media is the quickest way to find out stuff that will cause emotional torment, lurking Facebook pages, looking for who liked what on Instagram, becoming an unpaid FBI intern, is the quickest way to have sleepless nights. The social gatherings which include close friends and family should be “no go zones”. The relationship should only exist in the bedroom, some would beg to differ and say, “lunch”, “dinner” “a movie somewhere”. Well these are minimal investments. the most important benefit is the sex, if not please do your HEART a favor and stay single, go to lunch, dinner or a movie somewhere with your friends, the regular friends. *wink*

 

 

relationship

HE TELLS ME EVERYTHING

Hellooooo!!!!!

I haven’t posted anything in about a week

Also Welcome to the Month of May.

Anyway nothing new has been happening except the weather is hot and more money needs to be made. But first i have something to say.

I was talking to a chic today who was telling me how her boyfriend told her about her exes, he told her the girls he had slept with , in her exact words,

He tells me everything

I was speechless.

There are many things i can gossip with my man about, the weather, drinks we had last night, where we wnet last week, the chic at work who wont give me a break, the crazy dance my dad did at the famiy reunion, those sort of things. And she got defensive real quick too. Girl i was laughing in several languages in my head.

“One thing you dont know about _____,He tells me who he is messing with, who he has messed with, he tells me everything.”

I just replayed that part in my head

Drops Mic

Cracking Up.

So if he has been messing with these people while you are somewhere else nursing and taking care of your kid together does that even sound appropriate.

Straight up deluded.

If he tells you everything, why are you not preference, why are you not top priority? He should be having sex with you not those other women. He keeps adding to the list, adding a new number 44….45… 46….Why are you not the chosen one? He tells you about the sex escapades and the women he messed with over a glass of wine or on the phone and you think he is giving you tea, you are his bestie, his road dawg for life. That’s first class poison about to become an overdose.

I actually think it is disrespectful for a man to sit and tell his “current or prospective” about the crazy affairs he has had or women he messed with except he is using it as a reference point on conversation.

It is straight up disrespectful to put a face to the women who made you have an orgasm in bed and then parted ways with them. The gossip might be a bonding tool, but it is not love.

This type of man will continue to brag about his exes and tell the current how their exes still want them and they assure you there is nothing to worry about.

If he has to tell you everything, let him tell you everything that matters and that will also last, let his actions match his words, not just constructing sentencs and telling you things that you need to hear and meanwhile acting differently.

A man who has respect for a woman will pick and choose what to tell her that is important, things like how to build a healthy relationship, finances, vacations, investments not keeping a list of where he opens the fly of his pants or the number of chics he has slept with to catch an STD.  A broken heart is better than a STD. Dodge the bullet.!!!

relationship

MY 5 RELATIONSHIP DEAL BREAKERS

As the saying goes

“The older we get, our red flags become our deal breakers”

We date people and become friends with them, get to know them better and see if we can get into a certain level of compatibility with them. This also means that “sometimes” we have to accept their flaws because we have ours and we want them to accept us too, but there should be a line between accepting someone’s flaws and a red flag. Those red flags as we have gotten older have become our deal breakers. Here are my top 10

  1. Education: I love men who have a drive for education even if it is just vocational school, a PHD,a Bachelors or something. There is something about having a certificate in your name that shows that you have spent a certain amount of time getting the education and it is useful  for that purpose or more. No one can take that away from you. Once a guy has no passion to better himself in terms of education, that by itself is a dealbreaker for me. It also reflects the way he thinks too. Some people who have lesser educational accomplishments tend to project their sense of insecurities on their partner and please dont argue this fact with me, it has happened to me.
  2. Show Off: Insecure people are the biggest show offs, they tend to want to prove that they have certain things or they are a certain type of people. I am one of the people who doesn’t care. I once dated a guy who always bragged, he bragged about everything. The thing abiut braggers for me is that i always listen to them and ust make my conclusions on their behavior without telling them. Usually they are very insecure and suffer from approval addiction. This is my deal breaker especially after the second date when i am sure that this is a behavioral pattern.
  3. No sense of Humor: I think this should top the charts for me. I find humor in every situation except death and disease. I dont undrstand why  i would have to walk on eggshells in my relationship watching everything i want to say or have to say because he lacks sense of humor. My best friend is a comedian, no matter how bad a situation is, i always have a good laugh or find comic relief, i want to have a relationship filled with good laughs. If i can’t joke or be humorous around him, sorry bro, thats a deal breaker.
  4. A Different Religion: I am a Christian and i cannot date a guy  who is  not a Christian , it is not because i think Christianity is the best religion its just the clash in terms of differences and if one or both of us wil be able to cope or convert. A Catholic guy once tried to date me and through certain conversations i realize he is stuck to his beliefs and we may never be able to compromise, it could cause unwarranted arguments and promote family division when we have kids so i decided to say “deuces”.
  5. Vices: My biggest relationship deal breakers in terms of dating are somoking, drinking and womanizing. These are habits that require money, so before it becomes a deal breaker, how financially stable is the man? Smoking and its adverse smell, i cant deal with that. I love social drinkers, but drinking to stupor is a no no. Womanizing, the art of chasing after anything in skirt when you have a bikini at home, that for me is a deal breaker, i cannot handle the thought of STD’s or unwanted pregnanices, the man can go very farrrr away from me.