Its 2019.. out with the old and in with the new.
Last year was a great revealer of secrets. Some people were moved out of my way because they were not safe.
Some of the unsafe people in my life came in form of abandoners.
My Ex was an abandoner. He did it before and he did it again. He left twice.
So who is an abandoner and why are they not good for you?
Character discernment is very important in every friendship or relationship you will ever get into. Sometimes we judge people by their success, cars they drive, houses they live in, degrees, wealth etc. When we try to tally what we think we have seen, these people come up short.
An abandoner is someone who starts a relationship but cannot finish it. Such a person can work away from a commitment, break a bond and breach trust without thinking about it twice.
The person starts with needs for companionship and commitment but when we need them the most, they walk away.
My ex walked away from me the first time when i found out my dad had Stage 3 cancer, it was the worst weekend in 2017 and he chose to leave me that same weekend.
These people can come and exist in our lives as a friend, a coworker or a family member.
Sometimes, an abandoner does not realize the pain caused.
Abandoners also fear being close to people, they would rather make shallow acquaintances and even when they think you are the perfect friend, once you show signs of cracks, they are gone.
Abandoners are hard people to discern and bonding with them is not safe because they are emotionally irresponsible.
One things abandoners do is blame you for what happened, They can come up with any excuse as to why it didn’t work out, meanwhile you actions are as a result of you reacting to them being emotionally unavailable not necessarily because you are to blame. For example, Tom broke up with Lisa because he told her she was too needy. Lisa wasn’t needy, she loved him and crave for the same type of love but then he was not available emotionally so Lisa seemed needy to him.
Abandoners will also blame you so that they can avoid feeling guilty and justify their actions. Their agenda is always to keep up a positive self image for themselves at any expense. In this manner,they are less responsible for hurting you.
here are scenarios which are potentially red flags.
- Stressful situations will make an abandoner take flight.
- When the relationship is an emotional roller coaster.Today you are together, tomorrow, you are no longer together and back and forth. Run!!!
- If they are always the ones ending the relationship. It is a consistent pattern of their end and it will also be your turn when they are tired.
- A person who quits in other context like school or work is less likely to stick around in the long run.
- Passive aggressive partners who don’t communicate are not safe people.
- Partners with tendency to tell lies are red flags.
- Partners who are not over their ex are red flags.
Abandoners are cowards. They leave the cowardly way.
It was never about you, it was about them, they were not good enough and they knew it. And that is why they left.
Let them leave.
Do not chase them.
Do not demand an explanation,
They are better off GONE.