Today would have been Aaliyah’s fortieth birthday. She died in the summer about eighteen years ago in a plane crash. Two weeks before what would have been her fortieth birthday came the series, Surviving R Kelly.
In my last blog post, I wrote how it bothered me that a thirty year old man would date a fifteen year old girl.
I have two reasons why a man would do so, i would start with the lesser reason and then end with the major one.
Immaturity: This is one reason why a 30 year old man would date a girl between the age of 14-19. I have seen this relationship and in this dynamic, the man is childlike. He is not mature enough to handle a woman his age or maybe older. Women mature faster than men physically and mentally. A man and a woman about the same age are in an entirely different space mentally. What a twenty nine year old woman may desire, a twenty nine year old man would not have fathomed the thought, this makes it frustrating. Some women see this as a turn off especially because they see it as not being able to handle someone who is about the same age as them, this is a form of insecurity and some men are very quick to project their insecurities.
In the case of R Kelly, i cannot say he was insecure in any way. I just think he had a thing for real young girls. These girls were at his beck and call. He was a handsome and rich upcoming artist. Who would not want to be associated with wealth and fame? He lingered on the school grounds of Ken wood High school when he could have found “women” in any night club while he was on tour, there were tons of barely legal women there and when i say barely legal, i mean young women who had barely just turned eighteen or twenty one. Why did he do this? Its because of Control.
My major reason for the huge age difference in dating/relationships is CONTROL. Teenagers and young women are not quite as experienced as women in other age ranges. it is very easy to manipulate them and it is always to the advantage of the man. An older woman would be able to see past his shenanigans especially because she has once in her life experienced a heart break or watched someone go through relationship problems enough to see red flags. Younger girls are a little more naive and haven’t viewed life beyond the unshattered crystal glass they are looking out of.
R Kelly and Aaliyah got married when he was 27 years old and she was 15 years old in 1994. They were married without the knowledge and consent of her parents and family. Did she really agree to marry him? Was there any pressure involved?
As much as her family members deny the whole incident and try to brush it under the rug, it just sweeps underlying problems that can be figured out and the lessons used to help other young girls going through the same thing or at least prevent them from dealing with the same thing.
R Kelly was said to have mentored her and helped her out with the album “Age Aint nothing but a number”. This is probably the underlying tone for their relationship. Why should age matter? Its nothing but a number. The number was the problem. The number was attached to laws and the legal system doesn’t lay. If age was nothing but a number, why is alcohol not sold to minors, why are cigarettes not sold to minors? Why is the retirement age 65? Why not 25?
Age is not just nothing but a number. It holds a lot of significance.
If it was just a number, why did they forge papers to get married?
If you are not doing anything wrong, you won’t be hiding in plain sight.