Self Preservation vs Friendship

We have all had that one friend at some point in time in our lives who was madly in love with someone. So in love that they defied logic in dangerous situations.

I have been that friend more than once. Watching a friend fall in love with someone is a beautiful thing especially when the love is being reciprocated . You hear stories of their romance, it’s beautiful.

It becomes a problem when you happen to find out that your friend is being cheated on.

Do you tell your friend when you find out or just happen to know that they are being cheated on?

A few years ago, I would say yes to the question above without thinking about it twice but from the experience I have had, I am safer not saying anything. It sounds like a bad thing but it’s better than those mean glances and hurtful words. Stuff like that would make me ask myself

“Why did you tell her?”

Five years ago, a friend of mine called me on the phone to tell me that she found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. I knew the facts, I didn’t know what she knew so I waited for her to tell me.

Her version of the story was a little warped. She said the female was the one who was after her boyfriend, but it was the other way around. I was mildly acquainted with the chic and her friend had told me about it already with screenshots of the message. My friend sat there telling made up stories about the innocent poor girl not knowing she had a “he goat” of a boyfriend.

I am a pretty straightforward person, so I told her the correct version of the story, the one I was aware of. I told her she needed to check her man. I was ready to help her see the truth at that point by all means, that was where I made the mistake. As much as she was able to listen, she could not handle the information. She told me she was going to call me back because she wanted to call him and confront him. In my head I thought, “Does she really think he would tell her the truth at this point, four months pregnant with a wedding less than a month away?”.He had a lot to lose.

She never called me back, she blocked me on Facebook and uninvited me to her wedding. She became cold towards me and stopped taking my calls. I was somewhat unbothered especially as I knew I had done the right thing but it hurt that she could not see that I valued our friendship and was willing to make the scales fall of her eyes. We got back to being cordial a year ago, but still.

In cases like this, I learned the lesson never to open my mouth. I would rather be quiet and the reason is because some people cannot handle information like that, it is at that moment that their emotion interferes with logic and the deliverer of bad news becomes their enemy, you become the jealous friend in their eyes.

Meanwhile your intention was merely to save them from their impending doom. I would love for my friends to tell me, who wouldn’t but we all know the end game.

1. You tell your friend

2. She confronts the guy.

3. Tears are shed.

4. Make up sex

The next thing they start avoiding you like God put the ten plagues of Egypt on your head. No thanks I will pass.



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