Several years ago, I was dating a guy.

I really liked him. He treated me well,we went out to dinner, spent time doing fun stuff and even going to events together. For eleven months he pushed and pushed for us to have sex. I avoided situations that would put us in the need to have sex and i avoided the topic entirely.

One night, we went to a birthday party at a club. Was too tired to drive home, we got to house and we had sex. I was a virgin. It didn’t even hurt like i expected. Quiet and five minute loss of my womanhood. The sheets were stained. I went home in the morning. We had sex a few more times and then i became attached.

One day, we went out to eat. We got back to the house and then I began asking questions like “Where is this going?” He was taken aback. “What do you mean?”

And then I explained to him, the dates and the sex, when was i going to become his girlfriend. He hit me with “I am sorry but i am not ready for a relationship.”

So i said “if another man comes around, is it okay for me to date them?” He said yes.

He was being truthful. I was in denial. I felt he would change his mind. I spent so much time around him trying to prove my worth. He never did. We remained friends and i mean very close friends. He is getting married in a few weeks to someone else.

When i came across the image for this post, i felt i had to share this story.

First of all i had no need to prove my worth, i was more than enough.

Secondly when a man tells you he is not ready to be in a relationship. He did you a great favor. Accept what he has said and MOVE ON.

Do you want me to repeat what i said? ACCEPT WHAT HE SAID AND MOVE ON.

Do not by any means stay?

You are devaluing yourself in the process.

You just got set free from a rat trap.

No need to stay and prove anything. You don’t need to cook or clean or be a bed partner to someone who doesn’t see himself with you.

So many men would give a lot more to be with you than settling to be less than what you want.

Its easier said than done but looking in hindsight, the time i spent hovering around him like an evil spirit , I would have done better things with my life. I ended up pushing away potentials because I was stuck on someone and expecting him to change his mind.

It doesn’t work that way, do not be available hand and foot to someone who will NOT give you a CROWN. You don’t have to work hard for a CROWN.

Also ladies,before you move to the next dude, upgrade yourself in the process. Its not for the dude, it’s for yourself. Your accomplishments are for you, they are what you bring to the table, so make your table LARGE.

Advertisements