Several years ago, I was dating a guy.

I really liked him. He treated me well,we went out to dinner, spent time doing fun stuff and even going to events together. For eleven months he pushed and pushed for us to have sex. I avoided situations that would put us in the need to have sex and i avoided the topic entirely.

One night, we went to a birthday party at a club. Was too tired to drive home, we got to house and we had sex. I was a virgin. It didn’t even hurt like i expected. Quiet and five minute loss of my womanhood. The sheets were stained. I went home in the morning. We had sex a few more times and then i became attached.

One day, we went out to eat. We got back to the house and then I began asking questions like “Where is this going?” He was taken aback. “What do you mean?”

And then I explained to him, the dates and the sex, when was i going to become his girlfriend. He hit me with “I am sorry but i am not ready for a relationship.”

So i said “if another man comes around, is it okay for me to date them?” He said yes.

He was being truthful. I was in denial. I felt he would change his mind. I spent so much time around him trying to prove my worth. He never did. We remained friends and i mean very close friends. He is getting married in a few weeks to someone else.

When i came across the image for this post, i felt i had to share this story.

First of all i had no need to prove my worth, i was more than enough.

Secondly when a man tells you he is not ready to be in a relationship. He did you a great favor. Accept what he has said and MOVE ON.

Do you want me to repeat what i said? ACCEPT WHAT HE SAID AND MOVE ON.

Do not by any means stay?

You are devaluing yourself in the process.

You just got set free from a rat trap.

No need to stay and prove anything. You don’t need to cook or clean or be a bed partner to someone who doesn’t see himself with you.

So many men would give a lot more to be with you than settling to be less than what you want.

Its easier said than done but looking in hindsight, the time i spent hovering around him like an evil spirit , I would have done better things with my life. I ended up pushing away potentials because I was stuck on someone and expecting him to change his mind.

It doesn’t work that way, do not be available hand and foot to someone who will NOT give you a CROWN. You don’t have to work hard for a CROWN.

Also ladies,before you move to the next dude, upgrade yourself in the process. Its not for the dude, it’s for yourself. Your accomplishments are for you, they are what you bring to the table, so make your table LARGE.



  1. Its very painful when you are being hit with the “i am not ready for a relationship” what cracked me up was when you said. “You hovered around him like an evil spirit” 😂😂😂😂.

    Liked by 1 person


  2. well, he was never ready from the getgo. Guys typically go all out for wat they truly want. It simply means that although u both had something going on, u were not his #1

    Liked by 1 person


  3. This speaks to my soul. I spent so many years giving my all to guys who had another chic’s number on speed dial. Its not worth it. Thank you for sharing.



  4. I enjoyed reading your post. I love topics like these
    I know this was a great learning experience for you
    I believe there is nothing wrong with a guy not wanting a relationship and I don’t blame most of them but as long as your honest to the girl your talking to and you treat her with respect and vice versa for women.
    Sometimes sex can complicate things like as well like after having sex with someone your talking to, sex can make your more attached to somebody as well.
    I’m glad this was a learning experience for you.

    Liked by 1 person


    1. Thank you for reading. The image posted along with the write up is what inspired me to share my story.
      There is a delusional phase that comes after having sex. Even friends and family wont be able to give advise after this point.

      Liked by 1 person


      1. I completely agree with this statement. It’s funny you mentioned delusional becuase tomorrow I will be uploading a blog similar to yours and about being delusional after sex.
        It’s about what type of advice to give someone after sex and being heartbroken at the same time but not that “just let it go” or “move on” type of advice.

        If on word press often and like reading topics about sex and heartbroken tomorrow I can send you the link when I upload the blog tomorrow


  5. This was a very beautiful and relatable post. So, glad you shared your story and that you’ve upgraded yourself because you’re definitely worth it. It’s sad that we have to go through hurtful situations to see the light of a situation (I know I’ve been through many) but as long as we learn something from it and as you say again, upgrade ourselves before moving forward – those hurtful situations become lessons that we can pass on to someone else. Again, beautiful post!

    Liked by 1 person


  6. If he is honest, it is not abuse. Anything you do is on you. That said, I can’t tell you how many times over the years I’ve been faced with the decision whether to enter an empty relationship or walk away. Oddly, though, the few I decided to pursue soon turned serious of the man’s accord. No pushing, no hinting, no ultimatums involved.

    Today, I think many truly are not willing to milk until the cow proves herself a willing contributors, as unflattering as that analogy is.

    Liked by 1 person


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