DOES YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAVE CONDITIONS?
I thoroughly enjoyed The Rants show today. Lately i have been approached with the idea of becoming an FWB especially after just having a relationship. Honestly speaking i am enjoying playing the open field, not belonging to anything or anyone for right now.
So a friends with benefits relationship is supposed to be one where two “friends” have a consensual sexual relationship with no strings attached. The strings are “emotions” or “expectations”. So how does this work knowing fully well that one person is bound to fall in love and feelings will get hurt. A very good question.
Does your relationship have conditions? Should you have a friends with benefits relationship?
From a realistic point of view, it is not a smart idea, but again it depends on how you approach it, but then again, you are only responsible for yourself. Don’t ever assume the other person has your best interest at heart even though they say so. Put yourself first, you will save yourself from a lot of heartache later.
So who is a potential friends with benefits. Strangers. I am not saying you should run into the street and hook up with some random person, what i am saying is that you are better off with someone who has minimal investment of interest and emotions with you. Don’t hook up with your friend of over ten years who has been having the itch to crawl in bed with you, chances are you will end the benefits as enemies. Do not be a Friends with Benefits with your coworker, that usher from church, that chick in your class. The odds of happy endings are limited so save yourself the walk of shame when the time comes.
The “Catching Feelings” part is the biggest danger. Good sex can be confused with love, it keeps you longer than you want to stay especially when the relationship is a dead zone. Catching feelings will make you panic when there is nothing to panic about, keeps you up when the other friend is sleeping soundly. You start losing your mind when in reality you lost your mind from the get go when you opted to be a FWB when other better options of being single or being in a relationship are available, that is insanity at its finest.
With friends with benefits, its usually a Netflix and Chill scenario, chill in the sense of “having sex”. Sleep overs and pajama parties are a “no”. Do not initiate spooning and wake up feeling shameful in the morning, those occured after making bad decisions, drinking a glass of wine and shagging the brains off, yes in that order.
Jealousy is also one of the red flags, the “friend” goes with another friend, maybe a potential bae. Jealousy is not allowed here, the option was chosen from the get go, so getting mad and getting even is like knocking one’s head on bricks. Guess who has the headache. You!!
In the age where STD’s and unwanted pregnancies are no longer a surprise, protect yourself, use a condom to prevent STI’s, use birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Condoms are cheaper than diapers.
The Maury Show and Dr Phil have guests explaining what does not ned to be explained,as consenting adults who are in it for benefits, it is best to prevent these things before they happen.
Social media and social gatherings should be kept at the bare minimum or made non existent. The social media is the quickest way to find out stuff that will cause emotional torment, lurking facebook pages, looking for who liked what on instagram, becoming an unpaid FBI intern, is the quickest way to have sleepless nights. The social gatherings which include close friends and family should be “no go zones”. The relationship should only exist in the bedroom, some would beg to differ and say, “lunch”, “dinner” “a movie somehwere”. Well these are minimal investments. the most important benefit is the sex, if not please do your HEART a favor and stay single, go to lunch, dinner or a movie somewhere with your friends, the regular friends. *wink*