I dont have children yet.
I used the word yet because I want to have children in the future.
I turned thirty three years old about two weeks ago and now it seems I am behind on the rearing children program. I don’t even have a BOYFRIEND anymore.
A few months ago, I met a guy who had a baby by his ex girlfriend. Usually the fact that a man had a child by another woman would usually be my deal breaker. In this case,all of a sudden I felt she would be ours and I would help raise the child until we were ready to have MINE.
Yes I said MINE, not OURS, I could be selfish sometimes.
I saw myself buying things for a little baby, feeding, watching the child grow, I was excited. I was also fearful because I was not sure how her birth mother would accommodate me sharing her child with the father. It would seem like I was invading her territory. I would feel the same way too especially if the child decided to like me better than her birth mother. (some kids do, after a few cups of ice cream and the talk of Disneyland)
The problem was solved. We broke up.
Now I am by myself in living color trying to figure out
1) How to get another boyfriend/potential husband
2) How to conceive as a wife or a baby mom
I mean both are relatively easy. I am not open minded anymore, when I was younger I had more specs than I do now. I started dropping the specs one by one, some are still very important, others are flaws I can work with.
My ideal child has always been one of mixed breed. The worst part is I am not sexually attracted to someone outside my race so how will that be possible? I have a weakness and a strong obsession for mixed kids, their hair, their eyes and their skin color (that fifty percent of both shades, a mocha latte color). Should I adopt one or go and have one of my own, with my own genes?
I want a set of twins, a boy and girl and then I am good. Like seriously, I would be content with a set of twins.
About ninety percent of my friends have children and eighty nine percent of them are married, so the one percent are single moms. Three to five years ago, our weekend plans were house parties and club events. nowadays I get invitations to baby showers, kids first and second year birthdays. I don’t have a puppy or cat to take to these events talk less of a child. I don’t want to be anti social either, I end up going. I feel my ovaries move as I see little children play, or adventurously look at objects. Their smiles warm my heart, their tears remind me of why I haven’t had any of their species in my house because I don’t have the patience for tears, especially when I don’t know why the child is crying.
I love going to department stores and shopping for my imaginary children though. Picking colors, sizes, it makes me happy but that’s how far it goes.
I do want to have a baby soon, so that my kids will have play dates with my friends’ kids. So that I will be looking sexy and sweet when my child is eighteen, not that typical middle aged parent look.
So that my brother will have a niece or nephew
So that my tv programming will include chidlren’s channels
So that i have an excuse to buy lego and Barbie dolls
So that my hair wont be completely white in my family pictures with my kids ( i have a very interesting amount of gray hair, it started five years ago and no i am not dying my hair)
i think I should have just gotten pregnant in my twenties even though my thirties was my ideal age of starting a family (still waiting).
Oh well!! Let’s just say I have baby fever.
Who wants to be my baby daddy?